Note: The characters talked about, are fictional and any resemblance to any character alive or dead Dead or Alive(Sounds more pseud) is purely a figment of the reader's imagination, maybe due to the grass being greener on their side, thus creating havoc in their cerebellum. The author also gives a warning that the post is filled up with mindless and crappy jokes, and assuming that the readers are potty already, he recommends that an ambulance should be stationed somewhere close.
Author Speaks:
Back to Bang in Bangalore(Bengaluru). 3 months of holy-days. Nothing to do. Today is May 30th. Remember comrades!! Remember this day last year! Time 8 o' clock. Okay let's rewind a bit.
Time 7:55 A.M May 30th. 2007 A.D.
Ah..I don't exactly know which era, but 'My Era' would do. :D
We enter a bespectacled character, in an imaginary city(Let us say 6i) sitting in such a position that would have bought "The Hunchback of Notredame"...ah...A certain spinally challenged character who, according to legends was from a place in France known to the common people as Notredame to shame, in front of the computer.
"Moooooooommmmmyyyy!!!!"
"What?? Are the results out? Did you get Selected?"
BANG!!
"What happened?"
"Oh Nothing, the jar of pickles fell down. Oh! Gunda, Don't Worry, if you don't, I know you have tried your best."
"Ah.., amma.."
"Well, what happened? Which rank did you get? It will be only IIT Madras or IIT Bombay. No more arguing about the place, you have to choose. I will not send my little-piece-of-the-moon, to the places of ULFA terrorists. Well, tell me, naaa."
"Amma, what's the website name of IIT Madras?"
"Results innu bandilvaa?(Haven't the results come yet?)"
"Illa(No)"
"Kothi(Monkey), then why did you call me? Look what you have done? You broke the jar. Now who is going to clean it?"
(At this point, the author expects that the sympathies of those reading this post are with the fictional-bespectacled-character, and if it isn't then 'T for you!!')
"I want the website address, Amma"
Sadly, No reply.
"(shouting)Ammaaaa!! I want the website address."
"Why don't you search yourself? I think I saw it in today's paper."
(The clock ticks. Tick Tock. Tick Tock. Tick Tock. Tick Tock. Oh!! Well, if I continue the Tick Tock, it will fill up the whole post. Let the readers assume that the 'Tick Tock' has been repeated 60*2=120(JEE-07 Maths does help, sometimes!!) times. Sorry, 120-4=116 times.)
"Aammmmmmaaaaa, I don't find the paper!!"
The paper is at last found when the bespectacled character, gets up and finds it crumpled because of his elephantine bottom.
"Which page, Amma?"
"I think, it is in the first page itself"
"Noooo!!! I don't find it"
"Ondhu nimsha(One minute) I am cleaning the floor"
"Oh!!! Well hurry up! 2 minutes left!!"
The maternal figure, from the kitchen, wiping her brow.
"Well, here it is," pointing to the headlines in the first page.
"Oh!! I didn't realise that the papers would keep such news in the first page. Well, well.... ah....here it is..."
Time 07:59 A.M
Tick Tock. Tick Tock.
Loading 0.7%
Loading 10%
Loading 30%
Loading 42%
.
.
.
.
.
.
Loading 99%
(The author would like to point out to certain people that both 0.7 and 42 are displayed while loading AND 22 lakh is NOT)
Username: ##The bespectacled character's name
Password: ##The bespectacled character's password
Opens Mozilla Firefox!!
Enters, 'www.jee.iitm.com' in the address bar.
BOOM!! Power goes off.
The protagonist is chewing his nails.
Whack!! Whack!! Bam!
A mighty voice: "How many times, have I told you not chew your nails?"
TIME 08:15 A.M
Power comes back. The computer is turned on.
Tick Tock. Tick Tock.
Loading 10%
Loading 30%
Loading 42%
As the /media/sda1 has been loaded 33 times, force is checked.
Checking 1%
Checking 2%
.
.
.
.
Checking 99%
(At this time, the bespectacled character, after done with biting, chewing and castrating his finger nails, has proceeded to chew the toe nails.)
Loading 43%
.
.
.
Loading 99%
Username: ##The bespectacled character's name
Password: ##The bespectacled character's password
Opens Mozilla Firefox!!
Enters, 'www.jee.iitm.com' in the address bar.
"Moooooooommmmmyyyy!!!!"
"What?? Are the results out? Did you get Selected?"
BANG!!
"What happened?"
"Oh Nothing, I just dropped the plate, with vegetables. Oh! Gunda, Don't Worry, if you don't, I know you have tried your best."
"Ah.., amma.."
"Well, what happened? Which rank did you get? It will be only IIT Madras or IIT Bombay. No more arguing about the place, you have to choose. I will not send my little-piece-of-the-moon, to the places of ULFA terrorists. Well, tell me, naaa."
"Amma, No connection to the internet!!"
Whoosh!!! Thanks to such suspense, the mind of the protagonist has become.... ah...how do I put it...ya that's it..."Screw Deela" and has taken to watching movies usually called 'arbit' or 'totally-arbit' by some kind junta and "A total-floozy" by not-so-kind junta.
A year passed. May 30th 2008. I interviewed the 'Bespectacled-Character' today.
*******************************************************************************
'Bespectacled-Character' speaks:
Oh well, that was a year back. Today is May 30th again. I have watched something like 300 movies in the past one year. I had a dream yesterday night. I was given the task of entering the name of those selected to the Computer Database, by my professor. (Well, looking at the grades, I been getting, I guess this is a pretty decent job, I have got...More than what I deserve.) I look at the list.
Rank 1: Koothrapalli Varanasi Yashotheja Prabhutyaaga Asok
Rank 2: John Oldman
Rank 3: John G
Rank 4: Tyler Durden
Rank 5: Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi
Rank 6:
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Rank 1005: The Man 'not' from Earth
.
.
.
.
.
ad infinitum
Not Surprising, I say, taking into consideration that John Oldman had 14000 years to prepare, and yet he got 2nd. Che!! Who are these people who get first in IIT-JEE and all, I say. If I had my way, I would have declared them a threat to National Security and castrated them.(Reasons withheld. Reason to withhold reasons, National Security Matter, which cannot be disclosed)
At this point, everything went hazy and next I remember is that I am on top of Mount Everest and being cold, and as I am wearing only a pajama, I cuddle my Elephantine body into a foetal position.
A voice shouts, "If you are not going to wake up now, you won't get any breakfast until noon. Today is Friday, for God's sake. I have to do Puja."
I come to senses. My mom, had snatched my rug, and had turned the fan to the maximum speed.
I open my eyes.
Time 7:55 A.M May 30th. 2008 A.D.
Cursing, I go back to sleep. Thanks to the occult tyrannies of those blandly saluting clocks I have been mysteriously handcuffed to JEE for ever!!*
*******************************************************************************
Here ends the account of the 'Bespectacled Character'
Author Speaks:
Thank you, 'Bespectacled Character'. I as the author, am deeply honoured to tell your story to the world, about the cruelty you have faced. 'Bespectacled Character' went on to become the Prime Minister of India and committed suicide on the first day of his tenure. This is an extract from his last Conversation.
PM: I want all examinations henceforth, to be banned. Away with the examinations, I say.
Civil Servant(Hum-free Apple-bee): JEE Mantriji.
Sad story, but these are hard facts.
How I know, you ask, eh?? Well, today, TX100 came back from the future in order to protect me from TX8000. And TX100 told me this.
"Thanks to the occult tyrannies of those blandly saluting clocks I have been mysteriously handcuffed to JEE for ever!!", said he once.
Prophetic, it was. Better than, "I have come with Halley, and now I will go with him."
When he committed suicide, it was
7:55 A.M, May 30th. 2057 A.D
*A humble tribute from the author to Salman Rushdie.
PS: You may have noticed that I have tried to be politically correct in this post. The word Hunchback wasn't mentioned at all. Shit!! Now I mention it.
19 Jobless People:
Very thrilling description....exactly after one year, the bespectacled character reminds me of situation I was in...N y did tat guy 'not' from earth come n write this JEE....hell with him...:P
hmmm... This Joint Endeavour for Endurance has really left the bespectacled character in a state of Paranoia... so much so that he again became the Boney warrior he once was, way back in circa 12000 BC :-D
Rank 1: Koothrapalli Varanasi Yashotheja Prabhutyaaga Asok -----> ROFL :-D ( I guess John Oldman was trying to remember this fellow's name, which explains his rank)
Rank 1005: The Man 'not' from Earth -----> of course! This guy was a Paranoid Android !!
Hilarious post...
I think I will keep on laughing till May 30th, Doomsday... :-D
@Arun
Well, If that guy not from Earth hadn't written IITJEE, he wouldn't have written this post, for starters :D
@Naveen
Ah... It is Boneywasawarriorwayayix not 'Boney warrior' :P
"Of course, he was a Paranoid Android"
Now why the hell didn't I think of that?? :D Sexy da... :)
But, ah...Today is May 30th :P
Great piece man,, i can say i had a worse incident at home :P i was putting a sad face and went to my dad,, he was getting psyched.. finally i said, dad the site is not opening :D
that bought in some life here :)
and i'm alive. so the man 'not' from earth, do we hail from the same planet? or am i in the higher one?
And oh i forgot to mention about the slippers that my mom missed in da temple while hurrying home to greet me :)
And i spotted a technical error, there was no cerebellem in them :P it was clay.. forgot basic human anatomy sonny?
Excellent da! One of your best posts till date... Some observations:
1. 0.7% missing during the second booting.
2. Your Tyler Durden should have got JEE #1, if i am not wrong...
3. 300 movies? there's been an obvious typo or an obvious pseud(its easy to guess which).
4. I would suggest TNR100 & TNR8000 instead of the corresponding TX versions.
5. I think I saw the bespectacled wandering throughout the 'Carnatic' voluntarily working for some Sadi(k)st trying to popularize, in vain, an event of the Paranoids...
Was a nice read. A few questions
1) You had linux before coming to IITM ?. Nice :)
2) www.jee.iitm.com ???!!!
shtud maga!!! I bow before you. But 22 lakh IS the new 42.
@ Naveen
Boneywasawarriorwayayix existed somewhere in 1st century B.C because he was Caesar's Contemporary. The new Boneywasawarriorwayayix was born in the latter part of 20th century and happens to be three years junior to Caesar :D :D *Pun Intended*
@ Gay
:) Cerebellum, my boy, cerebellem, forgot basic spelling, sonny?? :P
And we don't hail from the same planet. You hail from the pig sty(TLH-Tinpot Little Hostel) Alaktitia whereas I hail from the place of great socio-economic prosperity, Jamitia. So sonny, HEEL!!:)
@ANNA
Point 1- I made my point once. Need not repeat it again, should I? As you can see, the person to whom that was intended took the clue. :)
Point 2- Ah, Sorry, Splleing Mitsakes does happen. I have corrected it now
Point 3- Okay, Exaggeration factor was 2, all right? Any way I saw the movie 300, so I can always claim I saw 300 movie(s) :D
Point 4- Changing TX100 and TX8000 to TNR100 and TNR8000 is totally TNR!! :D
Point 5- The bespectacled character is entirely fictional. The author, who also happens to be be-spectacled is working for the event of Paranoids.*Sigh* After all, I don't have the 'Daanammaleistic' characteristics as high as that of ANNA.. After all saar, some men are more equal than others.
@Prasanna
See the note. The character is entirely fictional. Well, I didn't have Linux before. As the character is fictional, all is well to assume that he used linux. This is not a True Story by any respect. I am just pointing out what happens to a poor soul, who just waded his way through a supposedly tough examination.
@jj
What's with the one-line comments? I assumed that you would analyze each line of the post and put it here. Ah, I guess you are too busy reading for the next semester. :P
And give me one good reason, why 22 lakh should be the new 42? I gave one for why 0.7 should be... :D
Very funny, if you're not on this side of the JEE fence! =D
What do you call a potential déjà Vu anyway?
Sends a chill down my spine (No, forget the hunchback part now)!
Thanks for dropping by! =)
Great blog! =)
my condition was hajjaaaaaar better da! i was like hell with the results and was playing gully cricket with a couple of friends at 7 in the morning.. dad says-the the cell with u..i go.. get a ring at 7:35 AM from home (i was in the next lane)- dad shouting over the fone- U got a rank ......i was like--auna?? appude?? (really???!!!?already?!?!?!?!!!??!? )
ah i chanced to stay over this alakitia to do some cleansing :P u r and ur jamitia are useful only for Eating breat butter and JAM :P
and btw, sonny hell is what u think not where u r or what u do :P
And yeah it was a stupid typo screwing da spelling,, but u cant screw ur anatomy! :P
@ Nayantara
=))
@ Virus
Well, it didn't really happen :P. I was sitting reading a novel. my dad came and told me, I continued reading the novel :P As I pointed out to Prasanna, it is a fictional account.
@ Gay
Now, I know you are even blind.
I said Heel, not Hell :P
hah.......... whatever you try 42 was, is and will always be .............. 42!!!!!( for a detailed proof of this statement feel free to call Lighter aka Bharghav from Tapti)
hehe. pretty funny ;)
@ service
Lighter is light in the head. No use asking him. By the way, have you ever noticed the size of my head?? It is unnaturally BIG! Now evolution states that we have a bigger volume of brain than the Neanderthal who had a bigger head than the pre-historic. Now, seeing this, we can satisfactorily conclude that my brain is much more evolved than Lighter's. You should know this. You are the Co-ord for Tech Trek :P
And I veto that Point-Seven be the new forty-two, twenty-two-lakh is too big an answer(Counting literally and counting the number of letters too).
@ apoorva
Thank you!! But is it Apoorva, my classmate during PUC or some one else?
Did I read right? Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi(N?) in IITM?
Go fool somebody else I say. [:p]
First of all,
I love your name!
Boneywasawarriorwayax....awesome!
I'm thinkin of namin myself double-o-six after reading this [:D]
But the story's a little too long man...
But funny nevertheless [;)]
@ akshata
:P I didn't even try to fool anyone....
@dailybloggeriitk ( I guess your real name is saketh :D )
Thanks for dropping in. I will make it a point to write shorter posts in the future :). Well, initially I thought of having this about a 100 words, then words just flowed, and it became a gibberish of random 1000 words. Not entirely my fault :(
BTW, it is Boneywasawarriorwayayix
:D
Nice to know that you like Asterix too :D
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