Boneywasawarriorwayayix

New Blog

2011-06-24T23:31:00.000+05:30

I am not sure if anyone is still reading this blog, but I have moved to a new blog at wordpress.com

Please do comment there. :)

http://www.halfsigma.wordpress.com

The times they are a-changin'

2011-01-29T10:24:00.001+05:30

It has been a really long time. I notice that I haven't written a single post throughout 2010. That just doesn't seem right. 2010. And what a year it was!! If sometime in the future, anyone asks me regarding the most important year of my life, the answer is unanimous. 2010 it is. It has been a year of tumultuous ups and downs. The highs, followed by immediate lows. Of things gained and lost. Of friendship made and broken. Of persevering when that feeling of uncertainty is vibrant in the air. Of sadness and tears. Of staring blankly at the ceiling. Of insomnia. The making of new me. Calm waters. Being alive. Being able to feel. The lump in the throat, kind of thing. The year of struggles. The year of doubt. The year of depression. The year of summit.

January - The month of usual Saarang depression. Of not winning. Close, yet not there yet.
February - The month of rejection. The meeting which changed it all.
March - The month of disease. The month of struggle. The month of tears. The month of joy.
April - The month of controlling my temper. Will. Won't? The month of Yippee-Ki-Yay!!
May - The month of loneliness. The making of new me. The making of new friends.
June - The month of rain. The month of self-doubt. The making of friends-turned-foes.
July - The month of standing-by. The month of Hamlet. The insanity of it all. The month which changed my view towards technology.
August - The month of self-deprecation. Lost temper. Almost. The month of physical exertion.
September - The month of luck. The month which turned everything upside down.
October - The month of extreme joy. Of Shaastra. Of loving myself. Of hating myself. Of jealousy. Of arguments. Of decline.
November - Of consolidation. Of feeling good. Of melancholy.
December - Of threats. Of broken shards. Of inactivity. Of food.

It has been a year to remember. I don't know, if it happened for good or bad, but it will still remain the most important year of my life.

I don't think anybody would get anything out of it. It is a reference for future me to remember what 2010 was like. :)

Big Brother

2009-12-10T12:18:00.004+05:30

I am afraid. Very afraid. Recent blogposts by junta have given me jitters and well..I am afraid. Very afraid. Akila recently mentioned in her blog that the administration keeps track of students blog. Big Brother is out to get me.

Something weird is happening. All of a sudden, my blog which gets at most 10 hits per day in absence of any new posts got greater than 50 hits all on the same post. This post. Shady. Yes. Very. Now let us look at the demographics of the hits.

1st hit: 18:51:48 yesterday - Guwahati

Within 10 minutes, another hit from Kharagpur

19:05 Another from Guwahati, Assam

19:08 One from Dimapur, Assam

19:10 One from Lakhnau, UP

And now, the post is going global.

19:13 One from Austin, Texas

19:15 One from Laussane, Vaud - Never heard of this place before

And finally, it strikes home -

19:23 Bangalore, Karnataka (Ouch)

And then more and more and more people hit the same post, encompassing the length and breadth of India. All the way from Azhapuzha in Kerala to Amritsar in Punjab.

Here are the screen-shots. *Click to enlarge*

Shady. Very Very Shady. I think the IIT-Crusaders are behind me. Where is Cleveland?

PS: If anyone of you can please enlighten me why this is so, it will be most helpful.
PPS: T for you, if you say that overnight I have become famous.
PPPS: After 2 months of hiatus, the IITM Quiz Blog site is back on track, with new and better management under Advaith and Achyuth. Check it out at

http://www.iitmquizblog.blogspot.com

Hyderabad Nawab and other stories

2009-08-04T17:14:00.014+05:30

I am going to die. I am a “How things work?” coordinator for Shaastra09. Right now, I am supposed to be setting questions. My co-coord is going to kill me. Right now, I am supposed to be writing an article for “The Fourth Estate”. The Editor is going to kill me. Right now, I am supposed to be setting some quiz questions for the incoming batch of freshers of my hostel. The Lit-Sec is going to kill me. Right now, I am supposed to be reading about ICA Technique. My Prof is going to kill me.

As some of you may know, I spent the last 7 weeks at Hyderabad for my intern. I am proud to say that I managed to gain enormous amount of knowledge and the foremost among them is that Loperamide and Digene are not Lays Chips. Don't pop in more than one. 4 days!! I greeted it like a long lost friend when it finally came. *I got shit-scared* :).Now those of you into whom I have filled a gross image, I apologize. But man, why the heck do they make Digene so tasty? It comes in vanilla, strawberry, mixed fruit flavour and what not. Those guys at R&D need to do some more market research.

The second most important thing I learnt was that it is definitely and by definitely, I mean D-E-F-I-N-I-T-E-L-Y not a good idea to snicker when a huge gorilla in front of you in the bus is trying to tell his wife that he would likely to clean the toilet tomorrow over the phone. Well, for those who are not familiar with Telugu, there is a huge innuendo here. Find out. I wonder how the telugu version of “Tomorrow” is going to sound.

Hyderabad, for all things was a new experience. One thing I will tell you. Hyderabad is crazy. There are many crazy things I find around. Here are some five I can think of from the top of my mind.

“Which Victoria Secret's bra are you?” quiz on Facebook.
Joker. Pennywise is not crazy. He is just plain creepy.
Fans of Twilight.
Joan Baez' song “Diamonds and Rust” which stunningly reveals that Bob Dylan is an alien who is located somewhere between the earth and Alpha- Centauri. How do you make sense of “I heard your voice a couple of light-years ago.”?
The poisonous nature of Dihydrogen monoxide, which is responsible for at the least 90% of all the diseases in the world.

IMHO, Hyderabad measures upto this level of craziness at the least.

For example, if I take the path-integral formulation of the routes of buses operating between ECIL-X road and Secunderabad, I will find that it is the same. I can draw a nice and cozy graph but No-Enthu-Da. Till I get enthu, you can be happy with this which has been directly lifted from Abstruse Goose.

Let me explain, to make the above point clearer. ECIL-X road is a crossroad from where my place was quite close. Now in any city in India(I have been to eleven cities and stayed for more than two months in six), between any two points, there will be many buses with the same bus number. Between ECIL and Secunderabad, there are five buses which have the same route, same starting and ending points and completely different bus numbers(16A, 17H, 250 etc.). Now if that is not enough, you stand at ECIL-X road and look at all the arms of a signpost installed there. On all the arms, it says Secunderabad. The funny thing is, it is actually true!! You can go in any direction and reach Secunderabad via totally different localities. All roads lead to ~~Rome~~ Secunderabad.

People drive like crazy here. Not the usual Bangalore craziness but life-threatening running-over-you craziness. Seriously. Whenever I tried to cross the road, I would freeze in the middle of the road, a tightness in chest and throat, my legs suddenly feel like paper and flashes of my whole life pass right in front of my eyes. I even remembered the name of the guy who used to sit next to me in 3^rd Standard when I was studying in Gujarat.

Digressing a bit(I have no clue why), I was trying to invent new mokkais for Mokkai Club during my intern when I a double-entendre flashed through my mind. “This Vacuum Cleaner sucks”. I laughed my head off when I thought of this. Now the more I look at it, the less funny it seems.

Another incident which still quells up my anger happened to me on the 2^nd day of my stay at Secunderabad. Those who are familiar with this place may know that Secunderabad has no malls. Being a n00b to this place, I had no idea about this. There is a McDonalds restaurant near my place. I asked the waiter, “Machan, are there any malls near-by?” “Of course, saar. Secunderabad very much developed. Go straight for 3 kms. You will find a nice mall.” I walk for 3kms in the sun, huffing and puffing and finally what do I find? A bloody Reliance Fresh mart!!

One of the best things that happened to me in Hyderabad was the friendship of the company's car driver. Man!! Was he amazing!! He was 50 years old, a graduate from Osmania with a son about my age and a daughter about 3 years younger. He was total timepass!! We kept on talking and talking and talking. Whew!! He had stud-English and I asked him, why he was working as a driver. His reply, “Well, I used to drive car for the Chief Minister Chandrababu Naidu. He made me continue my education and I became a graduate through Distance-Education Programme. Later when the government fell, the new Congress Government sacked me from the job”. And then he gave me a wierd smile and I have no clue now whether he was serious or joking. Once he caught me staring at a girl and slapped my back and said, “Way to go, Sir!!”

I met another guy, Yadunandan, who had just joined the company from Symbiosis, Pune. We had a long, fruitful conversation on everything under the sun. It was nice to converse with a fellow who is vehemently opposed to whatever you have to say. :) I agree with him on one thing though. The whole new breed of Engineers, MBAs etc which includes both of us are bloody self-centred bastards.

One fine evening, a guy comes to the guest house, the caretaker David had gone out to buy some vegetables and thinks that I am the caretaker and starts blasting me because I was wearing an old almost-torn baniyan. I think he was the General Manager of the company.

Almost every weekend, I visited my sister's place which was about 35kms away at the other end of the city. The roads in Hyderabad are bloody awesome. In fact there are no signals between Secunderabad and Banjara Hills, a distance of nearly 12 kms. One thing I love about Hyderabad are the roads. Extremely well maintained. Anyway, every weekend I put my sister to a torturous regime of cooking food for my bottomless pit. Bechaari....

One weekend like this, I went to Hyderabad Central. It was worse than a flea market. I saw one lady buying two huge baskets of clothes!! Are there seriously junta so rich? My sister bought me a nice T-Shirt , took me to a nice restaurant and basically pampered me which may explain the 3 kgs which I have put on during this summer. If you remember it was 12kgs last summer. :)

Every weekend, I watched a movie. Transformers and HP6 sucked, but IMAX made it bearable. IceAge3 is Gawd, Angels and Demons was Masala Max, Monsters V/s Aliens was cute and I slept through most of New York. 3D-FX was a new experience and was AWESOME!!

I read nearly 30 books in 6 weeks. I finished with great relish the whole of Asimov's “Foundation” and “Robot” series of books, polished of 3 Jeffery Archer novels, 2 books of the Bourne series, fell asleep while reading Joseph Conrad's "Heart of Darkness", compared the movie and book versions of Mario Puzo's magnum opus, crashed off while reading “The Sicilian” by the same author, loved JD Salinger's “Catcher in the Rye”, read Jerome K Jerome's “Three Men in a Boat” again, waded through Vikram Chandra's “Sacred Games” and , highfunda-ed Shashi Tharoor's “The Great Indian Novel”, and finally gave up in between while reading “God of Small Things” by Arundathi Roy.

Now, I am back at the institute, the semester has already started, promising to be hectic. How many photos have I taken in Hyderabad after pleading with mom for an hour to lend me the camera? One, of the clock in the guest house. My mom has promised me that she will never lend me her camera or iPod again.

Quotable Quotes:

Randy Pausch's childhood dream was to work at Disney Land. My childhood dream is to have infinite amounts of French Fries to feed on. But what tops it all is Joseph Joseph ~~Che-gkgjghjd-ara~~ Che Guevara's (aka Jojo aka Evil Muggoo) childhood dream. To quote him,

“Machan I realized my first childhood dream this summer daw. I saw the source code for an Operating System at the most basic level.”

I rest my case. He is the biggest nerd that ever lived on earth.

Tran's jokes

2009-06-27T20:30:00.005+05:30

If you are remotely allergic to Mokkai, now is a good time to calmly close your laptop/Computer and run for your lives. The author of this blog is no way responsible for the brain hemorrhage you may get after reading this post.

KJ aka Kishore Jaganathan when not putting 9.5+ GPA, kills people with his Mokkais. What he is known for are called "Tran's Jokes", which is enough to turn any sane, calm person to a psychotic serial killer (And that's why I have become one. I last finished watching the "Fresh Prince of Bel Air" all 8 seasons. If you have not got the joke in the last sentence you are requested to RUN...for the content following this has the potential to kill you)

So ladies and gentlemen, presenting here a collection of Kishore Jaganathan's "Tran's jokes"

Here is a list of things you should know, before going further
Dr. ADG and Dr. NDG are a married couple both teaching here at Elec Department at IITMadras

Dr. KV is a Power Systems Professor known for his sleep inducing but studd lectures

Dr. JK is the current HoD of Elec Department.

Dr. AC is a Bengali Prof known for his Bong accent (Enable is pronounced Enamel :D )

Dr. RKK is a comp-sci prof known for his love for Obsolete languages and paining students to code in them.

Dr. SP and Dr. N are two pseudo twins of Analog Circuits Course known for their hifunda-ness if that's a word.

Dr. TTN, though I haven't met him is considered the guru of Mokkai-Putting.

ADG and NDG have a daughter 1 . She was their lovely child and they wanted to give her whatever she wanted in life. She asks her parents for a transistor. They misinterpreted the statement, and their next daughter was named *Tran*.
Tran was a really nice girl, whoever saw her was really impressed with her. KV decides to adopt her and after N fight, succeeds. He then said, "*Tran's former* parents were ADG and NDG".
Tran was very intelligent, she cracked JEE and was now an IITian. JK was very impressed with her and after N*N fight, adopts her. He was walking in the corridor and Anjan sees him on the way. He said, "Hey Zagdees Wassup". And after that when Jagadeesh went to his room, he saw a letter which said that he is the new HoD of the dept. He thinks Zagdees is numerologically very lucky and hence changes his name to Zagdees officially. Tran cups properly at insti. It was app time. Tran still managed to get MIT. How?
MIT couldn't ignore *Z.Tran's form*
Tran dies suddenly due to a racial attack in MIT :D RKK was asked to write something for the epitaph. He wrote:
"*For Tran*, with love"
Investigations were going on to find out why Tran died. It happened that Zagdees was too wierd a name, so he changed his name back to Jagadeesh. So now she becomes jTran, which is purely imaginary and hence she died.
People with toothaches always went to Tran instead of going to a clinic directly, and waited for her instruction before doing so. Why?
So that they would have a "Tran send dental" experience.
Continuing the story.....Everybody stopped talking to Jagadeesh as he was a killer. He takes attendance in class and nobody responds. He tried hard, but nobody spoke to him. So he decided to stop the course, but he wanted the students to speak to him once atleast. So he conducted an end sem immediately. The question is simple, he ll draw a diagram on the board and if students draw it on paper, they get S else they CUP. He drew something and stood in front of it so that students cant see it. His strat was that they ll ask him to move aside. But nobody said anything and everyone drew it exactly on paper. How?
He was *Tran's parent*.
Tran's sister became an underworld don and everyone was afraid of her. Which is the best place to hide from her? Mountains. Because Transistors are afraid of avalanche effect.
Tran's sister Kidnaps Nagendra. She calls up Shanthi Pavan and asks for 1 crore ransom if he wants Nagi back. How does Shanthi save Nagi?
He goes to Tran's sister's house and connects 220V to the gate. Effectively he has shorted Gate and source, so the transistor is dead.
(This is my favourite) Tran's sister wanted to become ideal. So she married and gave birth to a son. She fed him a lot. The funda: As Transistor's BETA increases, Transistor is more and more ideal.
If Tran acts in Hollywood movies, it'll be a dream come true for stockbrokers. They love *Tran's actions*
Tran was pained in life. Her sister was putting even more pain. She was acting as a *Tran's Impedance Amplifier*
Tran wanted to take a picture of her. So she went to a studio. Though the studio chap put N fight, the images were appearing 90 degrees rotated. Why?
*Tran's pose *rotated the image.
Because of some heavy traffic, Tran couldn't attend a German class on time. The prof said: Auf Wiederhesen (whatever's the correct word for that), Tran entered the room then. All students in class said Good Bye. Why?
The prof said: *Tran's late*
(Akarsh's Contribution) Tran's husband loved geared automobiles. He always used to encourage Tran to join army, and after she joined the armed forces, he always used to go along with her an all expeditions, however unsafe. Why?
Because he loved transmission.
(Akarsh's Contribution) Tran's relative worked in Canara Bank and he was posted in one of the worst possible places in India. Every time he visited Tran, he would always try to get into her room and steal her coats from the wardrobe. Why?
He wanted to badly get transfer. (Tran's fur)

Hope you are still living!! Comments and addition are Welcome!!

PS: KJ, take a bow man!! Tran's jokes are bloody awesome!!

Why IIT Profs are God

2009-05-29T15:13:00.005+05:30

Disclaimer: After publishing this story, many people have accused me of 'kulting' an old SMS joke. I have no clue about the authenticity of this story other than what Sagar or rather Sagar's Chacha or someone claims. This is the first time I have heard this 'joke', old or not, I know not.

There are times when I have cursed all the Profs here at IIT, the latest being when I lost an A grade in a course because of 2 marks.(70 was the cut-off. I had scored 68) But, believe it or not, there are times I have to bow down to them and say, "Machan, you are God da..."

Sagar Dewan, also sometimes known as Mugger Mugwan, Bugger Bhagwan and also Muggu-Won-Kenobi recollected this story when his Chacha or some-one was at IIT-Kanpur(He reckons it was the 1996 Batch). After hearing this story, I am proud that I am finally at IIT.

A day before Quiz, some students went out, got completely drunk and wasted and came back at about 3 in the morning. Needless to say they peacefully slept off through the quiz and all of them woke up around noon. Being, quite brilliant at deception and lying(After all, IIT's make you that) they created an alibi where they had to attend a friend's funeral and on their way back their car got punctured. They had to wait for the entire night, before they could get a lift and had reached the institute only by noon.

The Prof was very understanding and told them that he will give the make-up exam the next day and told them that they will be seated in different rooms as there will be no one, who can take the time-off to invigilate. Next day, these guys mug hard and go to the Quiz. The Quiz paper read

1) (2 marks) What is your name?
2) (98 marks) Which tyre of the car was punctured?

Amazing, isn't it?

Whew I will survive

2009-05-10T11:50:00.010+05:30

You know there are times when you curse the world around you, curse your professors, fantasize about explosions triggering in the Staff Quarters of IIT, why even curse the poor old monkey grinning at you sitting on the bathroom partition while watching you take a shower.

Such a time was last semester. Now that I look back, I feel that I could have done much better, could have tried much harder, but what the heck? When you have E.Mech for 3 hours a day, even Tina Fey is irritable... The past. A toast to the future. A hope that the next semester will be more peaceful.

***********

You know the most irritating thing that can ever happen is that, you love a subject, understand every concept and still score below class-average. Aaaaargghhhhh....That was Networks and Systems for me. Amazing professor. Dr. Devendra Jalihal. I think, I have even published an article by him in this blog(If you remember on the Warden Quiz). Funny, in his own way, extremely friendly and jovial. Still, getting below class-average sucks...

************

I had my final Math-Course this semester. Not that I am not going to do any math-based course in the future, but I guess this will be my final course in Math Department itself. I had taken up "Complex Analysis". Beautiful Course!! The professor, though slightly immersed in his own world and too soft, was very good and especially the last few classes were God-Level. The most ironic part were my marks. 6/20 and 11/20. If only, I had less credits this semester, so that I could have concentrated more on this course.....

***********

It is amazing how hi-funda everything becomes when you incorporate G(r)eek symbols into your run of the mill formulas.
aJ=a*b*E+a*c*dE/dt definitely sounds less hi-funda than

Mu-naught into J= mu-naught into sigma into E plus mu-naught into epsilon-naught dE/dt

You get the point, I guess....
*************

One of the courses I had this semester was Fiction. I don't know why, but automatically when a book is *prescribed* in the syllabus, I just can't read it. Normally, a 600 page novel would have taken me about 8 hours of reading in a single sitting and once I get hold of a story book, I just have to finish it. In fact, I was so addicted to novels, that my mom hid my entire collection, during JEE days. I am slightly surprised I didn't read the prescribed novel (Incidentally it was 'Great Expectations') till the last moment. I wrote an entire 1000 word essay on what makes it a great novel, without even having read a single word from the book(In my desperation, I saw the movie available on LAN to get the gist of the story).

I had to make a presentation on a book, I had read. I chose to give a presentation on 'Watchmen'. We(Mesa, Rajat and Shape) put fight for about 2 days and the presentation turned out to be amazing. Kudos to Shape to make it such god-awesome. But, you see the professors don't like creativity...Presentations on age-old classics like LOTR, Jekyll and Hyde, Animal Farm etc.(Not, that they were bad or anything) got way better grades than something-hatke like 'Watchmen'. I feel that, this is the problem with India. Unless, some wierdo from the West says, it is good they just can't accept it. To even say that Carnatic music is stud, we look to the west for their nod of approval. We know Ravishankar only because he became recognized in the west. Why the hoopla surrounding AR Rahman increased many-fold when he got an Oscar? Oscar ceremony is viewed by way less junta compared to Filmfare Awards. Anyway back to the point....

Another weird thing about me is that, I just don't know how much to write when they say something like "Write in 100 words." I wrote about one and a half page on "Slave Trade" and then counted and realized that I had written close to 250 words.

It has been such a long time since I wrote essay-type questions. You see, I did all my schooling in state-board schools, barring two years in Gujarat and writing so much has been quite an alien thing. I was supposed to write three 1000 word essays on 'Great Expectations', 'Roots' and 'Purple Hibiscus'.

0900 to 1000: Whoo...I rock, I rave...I can write da machi!!! Yippee-Ki-Yay..
1000 to 1030: Okay, take it slow, you still have lots of time...
1030 to 1100: Ooh my hand, Ouch...Man, good I took up B.Tech instead of any arts program.
1100 to 1115: Last Exam Machi...4 credits, don't screw it up...It can make or break your CGPA.
1115 to 1130: Ouch, Ouch, Ouch, Ouch...Wish I had a Pain Reliever...
1130 to 1145: Why was I born?
11:45 to 1200: Kolle Nannannnaaaaa.... *

I still wonder how the MA students can write so much, so fast... Bloody unbelievable.

* Translates to "Kill me, Woman" a Kannada Song, infamous for its *senti*
PS: I am never going to take an English course again.

***********

"Main Kaun Hoon? Yeh Kya Hain?"

What people think whenever there was an E.Mech class. I still have no clue,how an Alternator works. Stator, Rotor, Motor....Aaargghhhhh....This is going to be my major....Double Aaaaarrrrrgggghhhh....

PS: I am going to major in Power Systems thanks to my bad JEE rank.

***********

I watched the least number of movies this semester. Hardly more than ten movies. But, I followed House, How I met your Mother, 30 Rock and The Big Bang Theory.

House, I feel has achieved new levels of stupidity and the zing which was present in the earlier episodes is missing. It has kind of become more soap-opera saas-bahu serial. How I met your Mother has been quite disappointing this season, but TBBT and 30 Rock are just amazing!!

***********

Apparently one of the top Engineering Colleges in Bangalore has started giving out cards to students for misbehaving. Yes, mild offence is a Green Card, Repeated Offence is an Yellow Card and More-Repeated Offence and you will be given a Red Card. And you know what earns you a Green Card? Wearing a round-necked T-Shirt!! Girls are supposed to wear only Salwaar Kameez... Colouring your hair or not getting a hair-cut gets you an Yellow Card... Not obeying the watchman, may get you suspended!! Separate stairs for Boys and Girls, No talking in the line... What are we? 2nd standard kids?

Does this environment in any way breed creativity? Not a chance....Sheep, more Sheep....This actually reminds me of the starting sequence of "Modern Times". If you haven't watched this classic, go watch it. Amazing Movie!!

Next year, we will be having 18% OBC reservation. You know the Aesop Fables right? Apparently, there was an Exam and both the Tortoise and Rabbit took it. The cut-off was 85%. The Hare got 84% and the Tortoise got 80%, but still the Tortoise got a seat. You know why?

You remember, when we were in 1st standard, the tortoise beat the hare in a race. So, Sports Quota!!

Such is the pathetic level of higher education, which the country has descended to.

***********

Anyway, coming back to my life, I am currently at Chennai working under two professors, one from BioTech Department and another from Elec Department in EEG Signal Processing... It is taking up most of my time... After a month or so, I will be leaving for my intern at Hyderabad. Apparently, it is in this area called Cherlapally,famous for it's Central Jail. The internship says that Accommodation will be provided. I will leave it to the readers to guess where I may be "accommodated".

So, adios till the next post.

Saarang had four colours in its logo. So, it should have been titled Chaarang

2009-02-10T19:45:00.000+05:30

I know it has been an awfully long time since I posted anything new here, thanks to a very hectic semester. Been a long time but hardly anything has changed. Samaadhi/Samy(As I am called by some) as usual is cracking very painful jokes and is trying to change his name to JokuMaraSamy. Well, see what I mean? My jokes are henceforth referred to as SJ, and as any Electrical Engineer will tell you(Mathematicians, particularly the Prof who teaches Complex Analysis can go *BEEP BEEP*) the S part is J. So, laugh.

Sometime, in an age long past(Oh...wait, last semester I mean) some Knurd ~~B.Techs~~ Buttocks decided that it would be a Total Frood Idea to shift a course from the 6^th Semester to 4^th Semester. And thus, my dear friends, I have a 26 credit semester, which includes one of the most demanding(or rather time-consuming) lab course, listening to the name of which even the ten pointers shudder. “Principles of Electromechanical Energy Conversion”, fondly called “E.Mech” now holds the distinction of being the only subject making me, not sleep but simply pass out whenever I pick up the book to study. I have a Humanities course titled “Fiction” , the course material for which is “kutty” 2000 pages, which includes 600 pages of Dickens. Anyway, leaving Acads to screw me up when the Quizzes start next week, I would like to talk about what everybody else been blogging about. Saarang.

I had the Daily and Online Quiz Coordship, which had me setting 70 non-googleable, non 'TinEye'-able questions. I got so bored setting them that the final 20 questions I directly lifted from Quiz Blogs. Ya, I know I am shameless. Jojo ended up winning most of the cash making me a suspect for leaking Questions to him. Blah. I didn't even smell a penny during Saarang. One of the main reason, I did not write right(whaaatever....) after Saarang was that I was busy crashing. I was a newsletter volunteer and that had me awake till 6 A.M on two of the days and once I was awake to watch the sunrise. It was awesome fun criticizing people. Here is a sample quote which got me into *trouble*.

“A special mention should be made of a certain Design Core who started making ~~ejac~~ vague motions in the air, much to the horror of people surrounding him. He called it DANCE. We call him DUNCE.”

I got maajared in all the Quizzes. They could have just given away all the places to Kaballah and saved some time. As the only quiz that Kaballah didn't win was the Daily Quiz, *sheepish grin*, it is obvious that it was the best quiz in Saarang. :D. Those who don't agree with me can visit http://www.you-are-a-dufu.com . Free, good'E'-s available. If you are in Electrical, even cups are.

The concerts were okay. Sonuuuuu Niiiigggggggaaaaam(Pronunciation: Say “Sonu” and then say “Ni” and then making a puking noise. You will almost get it right) was okay, but right in the middle of the concert he went into one of those staged “charity” act turning the entire thing to a huge fiasco. Kanyakumari's 50 people violin ensemble went over my head thanks to my 'proficiency' in music, while Shobana's “Mayaravan” became a tad bit too boring towards the end. “Choreo-Nite” achieved new lows with the team from IITM sweeping the floor of the OAT Stage and calling it a dance. As Nakul pointed out, every song had an algorithm in it, which goes like this: Blah Blah Blah.....Bebot Bebot be, Bebot Bebot be......Blah Blah Blah... Decibel Nights was good save for a self-styled DJmonkey who said “Thank you ITTM.” Who the heck said IIT's are famous? Opeth was God-Maxxxx, with me returning from a stiff-neck from the concert and crashing off for a blisful 18 hours.

On a totally unrelated note, Muthalik and his bandwagon of monkey-men have announced that they are going to marry off every couple walking down the road holding hands. It's _ONCE-IN-A-LIFETIME_ opportunity for young couples to elope and get married free of cost at the expense of our beloved Yediyurappa. Jai Sri Ram.

And on another totally unrelated note, if anyone is going to say that MA=B.Tech, will get a punch from my side. (Buffalo)ⁿ, whatever Chomskian Idiots claim does NOT make any sense. Check THIS out.

strcmp((“Good old Engineering”- “Principles of Electrical and Mechanical Energy Conversion”)== "AWESOME”)=0; /* ALWAYS */

A typical Question from IITM Quizzing

2008-12-04T14:17:00.004+05:30

PreScript: Machan!! Not a serious Question.

Connect:

AAAAAANDDDDD.....

Connect is Blackadder

First is the admirable "Lord Edmund Blackadder" from the Blackadder series.
Second is the snake Blackadder.

and the killer 3rd connect....
The IC shown is a 74SN83 IC, it adds and it is black.

So technically it is a Blackadder!!

Don't ask me why, but it made me ROTFL.
PS: If you had your ass kicked in Digital Circuits Lab, you will be laughing now :)
I am still laughing :)

Moonch hi mard ki nishaani hoti hain

2008-10-26T18:54:00.007+05:30

Moustache, eh? I decided to grow a moustache after reading this

http://www.telegraphindia.com/1040712/asp/nation/story_3483123.asp

Moustache is manly ain't it? Yeah!! Of course it is... But people just don't get it.

Here are the responses, I got after I grew my moustache:

"You look like a chakka"
"You look how an Indian Darth Vader would have looked."(Where did that come from)
<hugs>"Daaarling!! We are moustache buddies"</hugs>
"You look sick"
"You look like the villian in Shanghai Knights"
"Get rid of that monstrosity"
"You look like Chandrashekhar Azad"
"You look old. Arjun uncle"
"Dude, you repel women"
"You look like a joker da"
"Eh!! Did you become fatter?"

And finally after I shave off my moustache

"You look gay!!"
"You look stupid.."
<cold stare>"You ditched me. I am not your moustache buddy no more, sissy"</cold stare>
"You look smarter than you did with your moustache, which isn't much.
"Dude, you repel women"
"You look like a joker da"
"Eh!! Did you become fatter?"

Hmmmm.. I guess it is not easy to make everyone happy.

----------------------

Update:

This is to incorporate HB's comments and the author agrees that some part of it is true, but does not show the whole truth.

Hey, you forgot to mention the very first comment you got? I.e. YOU SUCK.
Why didn't you mention how you tried to justify it:
Comments and your Reply

1)I said, "You suck" : You poke your tongue out.

//True, the first comment, I got. I still had the lather on :). But it is implicit, when you mention my name :D

2) "You look like a joker": Next day, you come wearing shorts and an inverted cap in rains for a lecture.

//False, I wasn't wearing inverted cap :P

3)(hugs)"Daaarling!! We are moustache buddies"(/hugs): You went ahead and kissed the guy!

// Completely False. :P We hugged each other.

4)"You look old. Arjun uncle" : You said, "Yeah my age is 42."

//True :D After all 42 answers everything :)

The Day

2008-10-09T20:22:00.004+05:30

Note: For those to whom I have repeated this story n times can increment their counter to n+1 and just hope that n+1 does not overflow.

Dawn 0500 hours

Sleepy eyes, realizes that there is a EC209 class bang in the middle of Shaastra. To be precise, there is a class at 0900 hours on the second day of Shaastra.

Random thoughts float through the mind. Realizes that the laptop has been on for the past 36 hours.

#Command1: F12
#Command2: acpi -t

Result??

Laptop Temperature is a meagre 88 degrees. Shit!! Hands scramble all over the keyboard. At that precise juncture in the time-space continuum, a very rare phenomenon occurs. Linux Crashes!! I repeat....LINUX CRASHES.

For those who have seen Back To The Future: You can notice the irony of 88 degrees.

Sleepy Head being too tired, lies down on the floor setting the alarm at 0830 hours, calculating that he has a 95% probability of reaching the class by 0910.

Ungodly Hour 0855 hours

"Aashiq Banaayaaaa, Aashiq Banaayaaaaa, Aashiq Banaaayaaaa Aaapne"

I am not a fan of Himesh Reshammiyya, but on experimenting I have found that he never fails to wake me up from the deepest slumbers. Well, I wasn't disappointed. I finally get up, brush my teeth and go to the class.

Centre For Systems and Devices #320, 0915 hours
AND, you know what!! Surprise Quiz!!! Yeah, A surprise Quiz!! Let me recount... During Shaastra, EC209 is the ONLY course which got classes and the Professor chooses that particular day, to hold a surprise Quiz. Sadists.. Barbarians..

You know there was a girl, who called off her marriage and ran off to the public library, when her fiancee yelled "Surprise" on her birthday. It was later found out that she had an Electrical Engineering Degree from IIT-Madras.

Coming Back to the point, the protagonist scores a perfect 0 on 10. The Professor is pissed about the bad performance and starts giving out the answers. As usual,I am day-dreaming and bangggg, all of a sudden, I see a variety of equations on the board, of which there weren't any I could make head or tail of. Adrenaline rushes to my brain, as I realize that I have to get decent marks in the 2nd Quiz as I had almost flunked the first. And again defying the space-time continuum, something which hadn't happened for a long long time happens. I ask a doubt.

Apparently that was what he was explaining for the last 15 minutes. How the heck am I supposed to know that? He blasts me for the remaining half an hour of class calling me useless, idiot, stupid and what not. Well, I start day-dreaming again.

Finally at 0950 hours, with a snide remark on how useless I am, he lets us off.

Well, you think that's all there is to it. Remember, the title of the post is "day". There is still another 8 hours of bad-luck to account for.

Students Activities Centre, 1015 hours

Finally, the event I been waiting for since the past two months starts. I team up with Mr. J and we assume that we did decently well, until they put up the answers. We get a meager 8 out 0f 30. And, the cut-off is 10!! Dejected, depressed I come out of SAC and due to some misunderstanding I am left without a partner for both How Things Work and Puzzle Championship.

Hostel Room, 1230 hours

I call up my coordinator for External Publicity and he pisses me off. I shout back at him. I am left without grub coupons. Dejected, I crash.

Hostel Room, 1430 hours

I wake up and realize that I missed my lunch. I open my wallet. 12 Rupees remaining. Sighing, I crash again.

Hostel Room, 1700 hours

Wake up to realize that I missed the Literature Quiz!! Sigh........

To Summarize,

My laptop has a bag of TNT under it. My OS crashes. I have a class during Shaastra, during which I am given a Surprise Quiz and score 0 on 10, get shouted at for 'interrupting' the class. I get 'rodded' in SMQ Prelims, left without a partner in How Things Work and Puzzle Championship, get shouted at by my coord, lose my grub coupons, miss lunch and miss Lit-Quiz.

And as if to make up for all the bad luck on this particular day, I win Tech-Trek two days in a row making a cool 8k. :)

So, I am not cribbing.

By, the way the Professor also happens to be a PadmaShri Awardee and was the HOD till a few years ago. I am really glad that I wasn't here at IITM during his tenure.

Memories from the 'City of Boiled Beans'

2008-08-09T14:46:00.007+05:30

I write this from Bangalore, after successfully completing a mission to make some guy understand that Shaastra doesn't have any Naach-Gaana. Explaining to him was like concentrating in an ID120 class.

Anyway I am left with 3 hours, before I have to meet another guy, and what would be better to pass time than blogging and of course wiki-ing. Wiki-ing has left me with a slight headache and I hope, blogging will cure me of that.

Coming to Bangalore always makes me nostalgic. Some memories fade, some remain. Okay macchan enough of 'putting' senti!! I somehow find that I always get bored by anything philosophical, even when I am writing one. Anyway, back to the point, I find myself nostalgic.

Some memories of Bangalore

A warm welcome, complete with a Sandalwood Garland presented to me by my grandfather when I first came to Bangalore from Ahmedabad alone in a plane. I had just passed 6th.

PS: I was in Gujarat during the earth quake, and had come down running half naked, as I chose that point of time to relieve my bladder.

'Kulting' butter served in the plane and keeping it in my shirt pocket, where it melted much to my relatives amusement at my stupidity :)

PS: I didn't know that butter melted to ghee till then. :D

Learning to write in Kannada without mistakes.(I was in Gujarat before and my Kannada sucked big time. It still does!! )
7th standard board exams!! Getting 61 in Hindi and believe-it-or-not 88 in Kannada!!!
My mom running around VVS Sardar Patel High School to get me into that school.
The interview in VVS Sardar Patel High School, where I think I managed to impress the interviewers.
Sitting next to Umashankar on the first day of 8th standard in a new school(to both of us), thus entwining mine and Uma's destination together.
Crying, when I got 6.25 out of 8 in an unit test in Chemistry and managing to increase my marks by 0.25 to 6.5!!

PS: I never cried in class later.

Getting 8th rank in my first test in VVS!!
Giving up after that, never to get a rank in the remaining 3 years.

PS: Umashankar-good-boy got rank thrice if I am right, and Twister Daan!(Say with respect) used to be within top 3 in every test.

Bournvita Quiz Contest!!! I hate Derek O' Brien. He SUCKS!!
LK's class!! The Ultimate Honour!! Greco-Roman Civilization presentation!! A Grave!!(Why does Salman Rushdie come into my mind now?? :D ) A pre-Samaadhic connect!!
Playing cupid in 9th.
Jaundice, looking slim for some time and blown back.
Winning a 'kutty' website designing contest!!
Getting one of my lion's teeth removed and putting pseud about it in the class.
Winning inter-house quiz competition!!

PS: Nakul, remind me which position you got!! :P Muhahahah!!

10th standard Maths tuition, where I solved problems better than the teacher. Waking up at 5:30 A.M and waiting for the bus.

Crushed!!
Teacher(Angrily): Why are you talking in the class? If you have anything to share, share it with everyone.

Me: I wasn't talking ma'm.
Teacher(with a threatening look): What were you doing?
Me: I was singing.
(Looks of shock, despair among my fellow students. An angry look by the teacher. Parents called)

Chicken Pox!!!
10th board!!
Meeting, one last time....
Phinally, Colej :)
Me, Lodde, Chitte, Patela, Bhatta, Annavaru, Abhi-Don, Vatsa, Aditya in Colej.....Life would have been peaceful if not for JEE.
Me, Nakul, Abhi-Don, Annavaru, Vatsa, Twister in BASE class. Life would have been peaceful if not for JEE.
Freaked by the 'infinity' symbol, writing it in my 'Maths-neat' hajjaaar times facing the ire of my maths lecturer in college.
Making a collection of all quotes by RMK, which includes in an 'Umbridgistic' voice "Two plus two gives us four" and "Number Theory which we have in the syllabus is very abstract."

PS: All we had in our 12th was the remainder function and finding HCF by Euclid's method, in number theory

Me-weighing 72 kgs, Chitte weighing 60 kgs and Chhabria weighing 100 kgs all on a Honda Activa, with Chhabria at the helm. Trying to evade the 'Maama' who roams around the streets of Bangalore with a writing pad and an excuse to fine the college-idiots.
Coffee between classes at Sagar Fast Food. Discussing new memes and the topic-of-the-day which usually revolved around Vatsa's bad luck with girls.
Scooty!! An age old-model....the stupid helmet.
Drag Race with Chitte starting from Sadashivnagar Police Station :) till Ramiah College....using age-old Scootys. Me and Chitte had the same model and both in dilapidated condition.

PS: I have won, most of the times :)

Quizzing with Nakul in SK's class.
Cursing AVS.
"Kaaka Fellow", "Pille", "Loaper"- New memes....
Trip to Talakad.
Dhoom 2 and Vatsa's hint to Lodde!! :D
Smirking in Zoology class when the chapter on Reproduction was being done.
Cursing Biology....
The New-Year quote which almost got me suspended.
Boards!!
JEE, right after Physics Board Exam....
Getting screwed in Zoology
Playing Footer at Milk Colony Grounds.
Scoring 5 goals in a match!!

PS: All of them own :)

Anna community in Orkut!!
Wishing farewell to all my friends :(
Insti!!

Bangalore Rocks da macchan!!

A Matter o' Fattitude

2008-07-31T09:46:00.003+05:30

It's been a long time since I last blogged and I am determined that the “July 2008” shouldn't go empty. It is weird how I manage to rant about any obscure topic, when I am the institute, but my “Fart Value” decreases unimaginably when I am at home. I don't find any inspiration. Now that I am back at the Insti, I have a ~~million~~ two different ideas to blog about. I find that the last month's posts are either given up in the middle, or completed but not suitable for mature audiences.

Anyway, here is an update on life in general. I wasted the three months entirely and didn't do anything worthwhile(unless you count watching “The Dark Knight” twice, both the times in a multiplex). I ate and ate and ate, like anything and I still claim much to my mom's woes that “Insti food” tastes better than home-grub, ignoring the fact that I lost nearly 15 kgs last year.

Well, I always been fat. I used to eat too much, and play way too less. Well, still I play way too less. I remember once when I had gone to Jaipur with my family on a trip, I ate about 5 parathas, a way too much than what my little stomach can take(I was still 11 years old then), and then threw up in the middle of the street, interrupting my mom's bargain with the shopkeeper to reduce the bill.

I was once asked what I would do with my first salary after I get a job. My reply was that I would buy “French Fries” :) Anyway the major foodie that I am, I have been expanding and contracting these days. It all started in 9^th when I had money to spare and on a single day I ate two Masala Dosas, One plate Roti-Dal, One plate Rotti-Chutney and add to that some samosas I been consuming almost everyday in school. Next day, I had jaundice. I weighed 65 then.

Rotti,Dosas, Chapathi, Curry everything I can get under the sun, but on one condition, a sort of catch-22, no salt. Yup!! No salt. Food to turned to ashes in my mouth. Once again I became lean, reducing my weight by almost 10 kgs. But the joy of seeing myself decently thin(I was sturdy though) was short-lived, my blame goes to the 10^th standard board exams. Read now, they said. 10^th is the most important year. Blah Blah Blah. Yadda Yadda Yadda. Leaving all distractions, which included TV, Computer etc. etc. I focused on studies, and in the process gaining nearly 20 kgs. At the end of 12^th, I was nearly 80. Come Insti, I reduced my weight(I still claim that Insti-food is actually good. I blame it on all the hectic cycling) and went on to a decent 68.

3 months of holidays and I am again 80. :) I have been getting punches on my stomach from the day I landed here, and pity me, my stomach is still paining. :(

PS: If you happen to see me, roaming anywhere...please do NOT punch me in the stomach. :)

Foot in my mouth :(

2008-06-05T15:56:00.002+05:30

Don't ask me what made me say that :(

7:55 A.M May 30th Circa.2007.

2008-05-30T17:12:00.004+05:30

Note: The characters talked about, are fictional and any resemblance to any character ~~alive or dead~~ Dead or Alive(Sounds more pseud) is purely a figment of the reader's imagination, maybe due to the grass being greener on their side, thus creating havoc in their cerebellum. The author also gives a warning that the post is filled up with mindless and crappy jokes, and assuming that the readers are potty already, he recommends that an ambulance should be stationed somewhere close.

Author Speaks:

Back to Bang in Bangalore(Bengaluru). 3 months of holy-days. Nothing to do. Today is May 30th. Remember comrades!! Remember this day last year! Time 8 o' clock. Okay let's rewind a bit.

Time 7:55 A.M May 30^th. 2007 A.D.

Ah..I don't exactly know which era, but 'My Era' would do. :D

We enter a bespectacled character, in an imaginary city(Let us say 6i) sitting in such a position that would have bought ~~"The Hunchback of Notredame"~~...ah...A certain spinally challenged character who, according to legends was from a place in France known to the common people as Notredame to shame, in front of the computer.

"Moooooooommmmmyyyy!!!!"

"What?? Are the results out? Did you get Selected?"

BANG!!

"What happened?"

"Oh Nothing, the jar of pickles fell down. Oh! Gunda, Don't Worry, if you don't, I know you have tried your best."

"Ah.., amma.."

"Well, what happened? Which rank did you get? It will be only IIT Madras or IIT Bombay. No more arguing about the place, you have to choose. I will not send my little-piece-of-the-moon, to the places of ULFA terrorists. Well, tell me, naaa."

"Amma, what's the website name of IIT Madras?"

"Results innu bandilvaa?(Haven't the results come yet?)"

"Illa(No)"

"Kothi(Monkey), then why did you call me? Look what you have done? You broke the jar. Now who is going to clean it?"

(At this point, the author expects that the sympathies of those reading this post are with the fictional-bespectacled-character, and if it isn't then 'T for you!!')

"I want the website address, Amma"

Sadly, No reply.

"(shouting)Ammaaaa!! I want the website address."

"Why don't you search yourself? I think I saw it in today's paper."

(The clock ticks. Tick Tock. Tick Tock. Tick Tock. Tick Tock. Oh!! Well, if I continue the Tick Tock, it will fill up the whole post. Let the readers assume that the 'Tick Tock' has been repeated 60*2=120(JEE-07 Maths does help, sometimes!!) times. Sorry, 120-4=116 times.)

"Aammmmmmaaaaa, I don't find the paper!!"

The paper is at last found when the bespectacled character, gets up and finds it crumpled because of his elephantine bottom.

"Which page, Amma?"

"I think, it is in the first page itself"

"Noooo!!! I don't find it"

"Ondhu nimsha(One minute) I am cleaning the floor"

"Oh!!! Well hurry up! 2 minutes left!!"

The maternal figure, from the kitchen, wiping her brow.

"Well, here it is," pointing to the headlines in the first page.

"Oh!! I didn't realise that the papers would keep such news in the first page. Well, well.... ah....here it is..."

Time 07:59 A.M

Tick Tock. Tick Tock.

Loading 0.7%

Loading 10%

Loading 30%

Loading 42%

Loading 99%

(The author would like to point out to certain people that both 0.7 and 42 are displayed while loading AND 22 lakh is NOT)

Username: ##The bespectacled character's name

Password: ##The bespectacled character's password

Opens Mozilla Firefox!!

Enters, 'www.jee.iitm.com' in the address bar.

BOOM!! Power goes off.

The protagonist is chewing his nails.

Whack!! Whack!! Bam!

A mighty voice: "How many times, have I told you not chew your nails?"

TIME 08:15 A.M

Power comes back. The computer is turned on.

Tick Tock. Tick Tock.

Loading 10%

Loading 30%

Loading 42%

As the /media/sda1 has been loaded 33 times, force is checked.

Checking 1%

Checking 2%

Checking 99%

(At this time, the bespectacled character, after done with biting, chewing and castrating his finger nails, has proceeded to chew the toe nails.)

Loading 43%

Loading 99%

Username: ##The bespectacled character's name

Password: ##The bespectacled character's password

Opens Mozilla Firefox!!

Enters, 'www.jee.iitm.com' in the address bar.

"Moooooooommmmmyyyy!!!!"

"What?? Are the results out? Did you get Selected?"

BANG!!

"What happened?"

"Oh Nothing, I just dropped the plate, with vegetables. Oh! Gunda, Don't Worry, if you don't, I know you have tried your best."

"Ah.., amma.."

"Amma, No connection to the internet!!"

Whoosh!!! Thanks to such suspense, the mind of the protagonist has become.... ah...how do I put it...ya that's it..."Screw Deela" and has taken to watching movies usually called 'arbit' or 'totally-arbit' by some kind junta and "A total-floozy" by not-so-kind junta.

A year passed. May 30^th 2008. I interviewed the 'Bespectacled-Character' today.

*******************************************************************************

'Bespectacled-Character' speaks:

Oh well, that was a year back. Today is May 30^th again. I have watched something like 300 movies in the past one year. I had a dream yesterday night. I was given the task of entering the name of those selected to the Computer Database, by my professor. (Well, looking at the grades, I been getting, I guess this is a pretty decent job, I have got...More than what I deserve.) I look at the list.

Rank 1: Koothrapalli Varanasi Yashotheja Prabhutyaaga Asok

Rank 2: John Oldman

Rank 3: John G

Rank 4: Tyler Durden

Rank 5: Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi

Rank 6:

Rank 1005: The Man 'not' from Earth

ad infinitum

Not Surprising, I say, taking into consideration that John Oldman had 14000 years to prepare, and yet he got 2nd. Che!! Who are these people who get first in IIT-JEE and all, I say. If I had my way, I would have declared them a threat to National Security and castrated them.(Reasons withheld. Reason to withhold reasons, National Security Matter, which cannot be disclosed)

At this point, everything went hazy and next I remember is that I am on top of Mount Everest and being cold, and as I am wearing only a pajama, I cuddle my Elephantine body into a foetal position.

A voice shouts, "If you are not going to wake up now, you won't get any breakfast until noon. Today is Friday, for God's sake. I have to do Puja."

I come to senses. My mom, had snatched my rug, and had turned the fan to the maximum speed.

I open my eyes.

Time 7:55 A.M May 30^th. 2008 A.D.

Cursing, I go back to sleep. Thanks to the occult tyrannies of those blandly saluting clocks I have been mysteriously handcuffed to JEE for ever!!*

*******************************************************************************

Here ends the account of the 'Bespectacled Character'

Author Speaks:

Thank you, 'Bespectacled Character'. I as the author, am deeply honoured to tell your story to the world, about the cruelty you have faced. 'Bespectacled Character' went on to become the Prime Minister of India and committed suicide on the first day of his tenure. This is an extract from his last Conversation.

PM: I want all examinations henceforth, to be banned. Away with the examinations, I say.

Civil Servant(Hum-free Apple-bee): JEE Mantriji.

Sad story, but these are hard facts.

How I know, you ask, eh?? Well, today, TX100 came back from the future in order to protect me from TX8000. And TX100 told me this.

"Thanks to the occult tyrannies of those blandly saluting clocks I have been mysteriously handcuffed to JEE for ever!!", said he once.

Prophetic, it was. Better than, "I have come with Halley, and now I will go with him."

When he committed suicide, it was

7:55 A.M, May 30^th. 2057 A.D

*A humble tribute from the author to Salman Rushdie.

PS: You may have noticed that I have tried to be politically correct in this post. The word Hunchback wasn't mentioned at all. Shit!! Now I mention it.

I Pay (and) Yell

2008-05-07T22:38:00.006+05:30

Jobless once again after a hard week of exams, with all its nightouts(or in my case morning outs), six fellows, decide to burn their dad's hard earned money and buy tickets costing 500 bucks, for the IPL match between Chennai SuperKings and Delhi Daredevils. This is the second time, I am going to a cricket match(The last time I went was to a Test Match between India and Australia which was heading for a draw). Surprisingly, the ground looks smaller. Guess even Samaadhi has the potential to become a great cricketer( :D Don't you dare smile now. I play decent cricket) Much to junta's disappointment the Cheergirls wore full pants(Duh!! Forgot it was Chennai). Missed a couple of overs thanks to the young distractions nearby. :D .

Match Report

Sehwag was awarded the MoM, just because he hit a six on a ball which was declared wide.
Manmohan Singh, was the name of the batsman who came one down.
He scored a half-century in this match.
Interestingly Manmohan Singh used to play cricket for Italy, before joining Delhi Daredevils.
Arun Jaitley is the wicket keeper for Delhi Daredevils.

In case you are wondering what's wrong with me, giving such stupid Match Report, this was what we managed to convince a friend of ours, who had gone to get Lays packets. :D Now whoever said that I am not convincing enough, can go to hell for all I care.

End Result: Going to IPL is nothing but 'I Pay (And) Yell'. Maybe BCCI can get a thing or two about naming tournaments from me. Trying to emulate EPL is not going to pay off.

Update:

Thanks to Anna(A in Capital) here is an update on what we managed to convince him.

Delhi Daredevils has a 'Studd-Maxx' team. Coming down the line, is Pranab Mukherjee, who can bat and bowl with both his hands.
Sewhag was bowled out by a no ball, which went over his head, and hit the wicket(This was when Sehwag was still playing)

Endsems+PJ's

2008-04-20T20:58:00.005+05:30

Many things to write, no time.
Endsems approach!! The time of the year, when you don't feel like going to the bathroom to pee, because you will waste your time. Clothes lie unwashed. It is a time when the B-Side of the Underwear is re-'discovered'. A four letter cryptic appears on the front of each door in the wing which reads 'PDND'. Cries of 'Mugwooooooo' are heard once in 15 seconds usually coming from room 4 doors away(Jojo is in that room). 2 doors away, a mad fellow is studying. Anyone who dares to defy the PDND Message will be cursed with 'Saale, behen ka bhai(??)', 'Aage ka Pichwada', 'A$$hole ka Bacchha'. (For the uninitiated this fellow(Name not revealed as requested) is a phenomenon who thinks that connecting two antonyms together make a swear word. How else would you explain 'Behen ka Bhai', 'Aage Ka Pichwada' etc.etc.) Anyone cracking a PJ will be asked to get lost(Sigh...). By the way the reason to write this post is to enlighten the potential readers of this blog some of the good PJ's which I heard from the past one month. For those who are already familiar with them, due to my tom-tom-ing, I apologise.

"How do you ask a Rose to go to the moon?"
Gulab-ja-moon :)

"Why is wood positive?"
Because the log of wood exists.

"Why do junta who were born in the same year as James Bond, never attain Moksha?"
Because they were born in "Bond-age"

:D

This is my favourite

A(Potential PJ-Putter): "I will put a PJ."
B: Put its.
A(Jumps up): I put a PJ.

:D :D :D

Didn't understand??

He put a Pj.....Momentum in j direction :D

You are still my friend aren't you? Aren't you? Please... Please..

April Fool!!

2008-04-02T07:36:00.009+05:30

Heheh!! Today is April Fool's Day.
By the way listen to a song called 'April Fool Banaya' by Mohd. Rafi. =))
We had to submit 5 ED assignments yesterday. Thinking that the T.A was trying to fool us, I didn't submit. 5 marks Whoosh!!! :(
By the way, I found a new girlfriend and we are going to marry within one year. :D
I had resolved that, I won't fool anyone on April Fool's Day, and I am proud to say that I didn't.
I am going to Mars in 2014. I have already applied for the post.

See you in Mars in 2014. By the way in case you didn't know, GMail was launched on April 1st.

Are you ready to be a warden?

2008-03-28T18:05:00.004+05:30

Service found this gem of a page, and the same is reproduced here. Have a hearty laugh!!

This is written by a professor(Whow!!) Hold your breath, more is to follow. An ELEC PROF!!!! (Heart signal going weak) Read and Yanjoy!!!!

Dr. Devendra Jalihal has been the warden of Godavari Hostel for the last one year. He prepared this 'questionnaire' for potential applicants for IIT hostel wardenship. The 'questionnaire' is based on some of his incredible experiences and takes a light-hearted look at the student life.

Test Paper for Wardenship

Time: 10 minutes
Max Marks: 30

(1) A student calls you at 2:00 am at the dead of the night complaining that his PC hard-disk is missing. As a warden, you:

offer to give him your hard-disk the next morning if he lets you get back to sleep now.
curse his kula, gotra and all his ancestors before banging the phone down.
thank him for waking you up at 2:00 am and promptly begin grading that much procrastinated EE110 papers.
gently tell him that it is a good-riddance. A PC didn't do any good to anyone anyways.

(2) A student thrusts a round, brown, smelly substance under your nose and demands to know how is he expected to eat this 'dosa'. As a warden, you:

examine the rigid body admiringly and decide to send it to Construction Management group in Civil department for further testing.
try to reason out with the student saying that the caterer also runs a construction business and looks like there has been a mix-up.
promptly package it and send it to the Dean of Students and tom tom about your ability in handling difficult problems.
call the caterer and ask him about the secret formula.

(3) A student calls you at 10 pm complaining of severe stomach ache and thinks it is his appendix. As a warden, you:

grab the nearest pointed instrument and proceed to perform the surgery.
let the cook do the surgery instead.
offer to change your nameplate that reads 'Dr. Jalihal' to plain 'Mr. Jalihal'.
advise him to get some sleep.

(4) The person at the other end of the phone introduces himself as an important government official of some large Indian state and request you not to send his son to some other hostel. He casually adds that he can arrange for a holiday for your family as government guests at his state. As a warden, you:

greedily ask if it is OK to bring your neighbor along.
calmly point out that it is a routine matter and he should not worry too much about it.
threaten to report this case of bribery to CVC.
testily tell him to take care of his large state first before poking his nose in to hostel matters.

(5) A cleaning staff barges in to your office loudly complaining that his colleague called him 'l..e ke b..l' [A Hindi expletive used by teenagers but censored here as being unsuitable for this learned audience]. As a warden, you:

nod your head deprecating the use of Inthi in this Thamizh Nad.
offer to teach even more colorful Hindi expletives that you learned as a student a long, long time ago.
nod your head appreciating the progress made by Hindi speakers in spreading their expletives far and wide.
wisely point out that it just refers to human anatomy and as such it is not an insult.

(6) A group of students vociferously demand that rice not be served for breakfast. On inquiry, you find that on Tuesdays and Fridays, the breakfast consists of Pongal. As a warden, you:

sing virtues of traditional south Indian breakfast.
order the caterer to serve jalebi with lassi on Tuesdays and Samosa with Imli ka chutney on Fridays for breakfast.
following Kipling, remark that North is North and south is definitely south and the twain shall meet only at the Vindhyas.
rudely tell the students WYEIWYG (what you eat is what you get).

(7) Every afternoon on your way to the hostel office you pass by a number of rooms with the signboard "Sleeping. Don't disturb" hanging on the door. As a warden, you:

gently wake them up and ask them to sleep in the class instead. With a grin on your face add that "you will also get attendance."
decide wisely to let the sleeping dogs lie. [just an expression. No offense is meant to the students, especially the sleeping ones]
put on your best MS imitation and begin to sing "Utthishta Govinda Utthishta Garuda Dhwaja ..." on the hostel PA system.
wake them up rudely and give them a lecture on the importance of attending classes.

(8) A worried student walks up to you complaining about the theft of his motor-bike. On enquiry, it turns out that the thief took the keys from his room and used that to steal his bike which was parked in the rented parking place outside the campus in Taramani village. As a warden, you:

loudly wonder at the ingenuity of the thief and feel sanguine about the future of the country.
shout at the student for keeping a bike despite the ban against that.
put on your academic hat and start calculating the smallest number of bikes the thief has to try the key on before hitting upon the correct bike.
decide to use this incident to illustrate some difficult concept in your probability class.

How did you fare? If you answered 'a' to any question, give yourself 1 mark, 2 for 'b' and so on. There is no negative marking. If you scored more than 0, you are definitely warden material. Call the Dean of Students for an appointment. Good luck!

Note that all situations described here are true incidents. Only the options a-d are my creations. It is an attempt at humor. I sincerely hope that it doesn't offend anybody.

Devendra Jalihal

About the author:

Dr. Devendra Jalihal is an Associate Professor in the Dept. of Electrical Engineering and a member of the TeNeT group at IIT Madras. He is also the warden for Godavari Hostel.

He obtained his B.Tech. degree from IIT Kharagpur in 1983 followed by Masters degree from McMaster University, Hamilton, Canada in 1988. After receiving his PhD from Univ. of Duke, Durham, USA in 1992, he continued as a post-doctoral fellow at the same university. All of the degrees are in Electrical Engineering.

He joined the faculty at the Dept. of Electrical Engineering at IIT Madras in 1994. Dr. Jalihal loves teaching the fundamentals of Electrical Engineering such as Signals and Systems, and Communication Theory, in undergraduate courses.

Waste.....

2008-03-28T17:40:00.004+05:30

I see waste around. I see people wasting their lives. Some day in the future, they will definitely look back and see that they haven't done anything except waste their lives away playing games in the computer. I feel sad for them. I feel guilty too, for not being able to change them. I see life being wasted away. Potential, being destroyed. GPA, going down the drain. I wish, I can do something about it. But as I just found out, they are not serious enough. They don't realise that they have denied the chance for another IIT-aspirant who is as clever/intelligent as they are but are not here because of the tyranny of one hot day in mid-April. But, I hope they change. I hope they see the light at the end of the tunnel. I hope they start thinking clearly.

I feel guilty. I am helpless. I am not able to change them

My own Hackergotchi :)

2008-03-20T17:33:00.002+05:30

With *guidance* from Prasanna, I finally found time to create my own hackergotchi!!

My wierdness Quotient

2008-03-09T09:31:00.002+05:30

A Website I found as I was randomly surfing through net, and being eternally Vetti, I took the Weirdness test.

Muhahahahahahah!!

The Scissors ran through my hair!!

2008-03-05T06:51:00.001+05:30

The result of going home this weekend!! :)

Friday, 8:00 P.M

Monday 3:30 PM

Pathetic Writing!!

2008-03-05T06:03:00.003+05:30

Pained, is how I describe the last two weeks. Here is the crap, I wrote for Inter-Hostel Creative Writing!!

Scent of a Woman

“There are 10 kinds of people in the world. Those who understand Binary and those who get laid.”

-Law of Technosexuality

Enter the Geek. Tanned to an excellent hue, because of the number of hours, he sat in front of the neo-idiot-box, playing Dungeons and Dragons

SOME ARBITRARY FACTS ABOUT A GEEK –

LAST HAD A BATH- 15 days back
LAST PLAYED COMPUTER GAME- The game that was released just 0.5 seconds before this statement was made.
SPECTACLES SINCE: The Geek in question does not remember. Most probably, since birth.
LAST CONTACT WITH XX CHROMOSOME- Just a day back. A female Anopheles Mosquito bit his-unmentionable-parts,

Imagine, one fine Saturday Evening our protagonist ventures out of his room to the outside world, meeting people, whose IQ is less than 150!! Imagine, the Geek coming face-to-face with a girl and contrary to the ‘Law of Technosexuality’ falls in love with her.

Pity the Geek. Give him solace. What Chaotic state would his mind be in, to look at a beauty; a longing; his only need(well, after the computer, his newly-acquired-precious-Apple iPod, Feynman Lecture Series, Star Trek,…… 42 items to be precise. For the complete list feel free to ping us); and to find that he can’t muster enough courage and talk to the girl? Trying to prove that ‘Every Law has an Exception’, he squares his shoulders, takes a long breathe in, and he slowly approaches the girl. He drops the book which he is carrying (He had seen this in one of the scenarios of ‘Second Life’) and the girl bends down to help him. He touches her arm, and is overfilled with pure emotion. But something just grabs his attention. He feels her arm again. What is this? A perfect Isothermal-Body!! He had read in a book that it is simply not possible. ‘Today is not a good day for science’, he decides and stops thinking about it. But, still he is holding the girl’s hand and as a return for the excessive contact, what he gets is ONE-TIGHT-SLAP. Embarrassed, he moves away and decides to enjoy the view.

A myriad of images and emotions, spanning the n-dimensional Hilbert space occupies his mind. He gazes intently at the lady, his head tilted slightly to the right, saliva unknowingly oozing out from the edge of his mouth, eyes dilated, he begins his dimensional analysis(The number 362436 somehow seems to be related, but he can’t remember the reason) to check his compatibility equation.

His eyes roves around, settles on her legs. What legs they were? Smooth, Curvaceous! Why, he is prepared to pledge that if the legs are projected onto a 2D plane, the boundaries of the Domain would at least be differentiable two times. He isn’t sure about the position of the point of inflection, but he decides that figuring it out isn’t worth the trouble. He can feel his heart skip a beat.

A bit unnerved by his analysis of the leg, and with high expectations, he moves up and his gaze falls upon the bulging deposit of fat just beneath the shoulders. 36C, he decided. Isn’t 36C, the bus which takes him to the National Institute of Advanced Studies in Particle Astrophysics? That reminds him of observing the effect in the orbit of Mars due to the unlikely conjecture of Saturn and Uranus, which will happen the next day.

He looks at her eyes. His heart sends distress signal to his brain. Brain over-rules the request of the heart. Green they were and there were two. Two Eyes there were.

Two Eyes Too Ice T Ice Temperature of Ice 273.16 K 0 K Superconductivity Yttrium-………………………

He takes out the pen from his pocket to make a note in his diary about the important discussion he had to have with his professor about the usage of the carbonyl compounds of Yttrium as a harmless substitute for cocaine.

Unknown to him, a battle is being fought. Heart V/s Brain. His heart, fighting a war, like it had never before and his invincible brain using all the blood pumped by the heart to overrule the heart. Chaotic!!

At last his eyes fall upon the girl’s hair!! He tries to calculate the width of a single strand of hair by taking into account the reflection co-efficient and approximating the brightness of the sun to 2 decimal places, he calculates it to be e^π microns. His mind then wanders off to greener pastures in technology and models her hair to be an optical fibre.

A sudden impulse from the heart brings him back to the current space and time, and he goes through a plethora of emotions. Words flow out of his mouth like the river joining the ocean near a delta. Unknown to his brain, he blabbers

Hair……….

Long Sleek Silky hair,

Floppy Dark Raven Hair,

Vibrant Hues of Auburn Hair,

Mops of Golden Baby hair

Softly Shaven ‘bald-head’ hair,

All Different types of hair,

I like so much,

But most of all the one

That steals my attention

Is that dark, shaggy, in-the-eyes

Type of hair!!

Heavens, I must be mad

But do you know,

I just love your hair.

The Girl is impressed and so is he (He never knew about his hidden talent)!! They start talking to each other, they go out together, marry and they live happily ever after. What the hell? Nice Try. The Geek goes back to his room, trying to figure out the possibility of communication using hair as an optical fibre and does not emerge out of the room for six more years. And then The Wheel of Time will be back in the initial state.

PS: If you want to abuse me, think your computer to be my face, and kick it.
PPS: Beautiful girls are welcome to kiss their computers. :D

The pre-Thermodynamics-Quiz GoogleTalk Status messages....

2008-02-13T21:04:00.002+05:30

It is a thing of yore here at IIT to have ultra-cool status messages the day before the quizzes. Out of the entire set, a sample subset has been taken.

Busy and I mean it....But if I want to talk, I will contact you. -Service
(A non-muggoo trying to show that he is a muggoo)

Existential Delirium -Gay

Birthday Today, Doomsday Tomorrow -CPro
(A poor kid, who celebrated his birthday on 13/1/2008, a day before ThermoD Quiz)

Thermo"dynamics" deals with quasi "static" -CPro
(The Law of Contradictions :) )

Experiencing a thermal meltdown -Slinky
(And, the author of this blog begs to add 'Brain Drain' too)

no system, no surrounding, no work, no heat n no energy.............. aaaahhhh how nice the world would be without thermoD!!!!! -Ramya
(Aaahh...Nostalgic about last semester)

Not Available -Manchy
(Why, Indeed??)

Murphy's Law of Thermodynamics: Things get worse under pressure. -Virus

If there be but one drop o'tear in you , then here is the time to shed it, and this, my self , the man to shed it for, a man that hath thermodynamics for his valentine. -10 GB
(Whew!! LOL MAX.... Remember tomorrow's date!! :D )

And finally mine:

I draw inspiration from Sweeney Todd. I am taking a razor to the quiz. Invigilators, Beware!! -Samaadhi

(To keep up my Vetti Image, I watched Sweeney Todd yesterday =)) )

Does this remind you of something?

2008-02-10T15:28:00.001+05:30

Well, I lost the respect, I had for Taare Zameen Par. And to think that, they are basking under the glory of the-cool-animation... Warrasht.

Tie-Break!!

2008-02-10T14:38:00.000+05:30

It burns me. Yes, It does. This word. Aaaaaarggggghhhhhh!!!!

Lost: Apple iPod, Free trip to Goa/Jaipur, Free trip to Singapore, Rs. 1,00,000 scholarship, A laptop, a bike and stepping into the shoes of PoTA and BoFi.

Won: A Bad cold, A flat tyre, and the only 2-Remaining-Pulkas at Krishna Mess, sharing it with the cats, and maybe a U Grade in PH102, and one cuppax post in my blog.

All because of one question, both in prelims and the-fucking-word-which-is-the-title-of-this-post. :(

Anyways, it was fun =)). Griffiths, Here I come.

Trippy!!

2008-02-05T23:37:00.000+05:30

The song ¨Kaanta laga¨ of DJDoll fame is from a movie called ¨Śamadhi¨. Whew.....Now please do watch the original song :P

A short story by Scorpion

2008-01-20T20:38:00.000+05:30

This piece of work is too good. Definitely worth reading and analyzing.

Here is the link

Do Aankhen Barah Haath- A review......

2008-01-13T02:15:00.000+05:30

With my humble apologies to Nakul(Sorry mate, it will have to wait), I go off on a tangent. Throwing all the arbitness to the wind(or maybe to the bog next door), I have undertaken the task of reviewing a movie, which I don't think any of you reading this post(if there are any) have even heard of, let alone watching it.

If you think, Hindi movies are farce, a commercial gimmick to lure the unsuspecting victim to the theatre, promising them SRK, and a crap of a movie, think again. What holds Bollywood together are movies like 'Do Aankhen Barah Haath', 'Naya Daur', 'Sangam','Satya' and more recently 'Taare Zameen Par', and certainly not the crap which Karan Johar and Co. produce/direct/finance. A normal reaction, when I say that it is a black and white movie in Hindi, is 'Oh!! Pain machhan...' OR 'What Crap da?? You so vetti??'. There has not been a movie as 'Do Aankhen Barah Haath', a movie of such intensity that 4 buckets are not sufficient. Yes junta, I did shed tears :P. The intensity, the expressions, the rate at which the movie proceeds is just mind-blowing!! The characters are very well potrayed, with the exception of the heroine(I don't recognize her) who is very-very-very irritating. If, I had made this movie, I would have edited her part out. The music score is brilliant(that is, if you like the old Hindi numbers). I feel that there is not a more graceful, more introspecting, more lachrymal-gland-activating song than this movie's 'Aey Maalik Tere Bandhe Hum' sung by (who else??) Lata Mangeshkar.

Do Aankhen Barah Haath, should be viewed keeping in mind that the movie was made in 1957, when melodrama played a huge part in acting (as opposed to say, a "Taare Zameen Par" made recently). The movie, apart from being an extremely pleasant one (its optimistic tone and the chosen subject of reforming 6 hardened murderers into honest,non-violent farmers), shows a picture of the social milieu that covered India during the times the movie was made.

Some particular scenes really touched me , most predominant of which was when one of the convicts' mother , a frail old lady brings her grandchildren to meet her son. It was one of the most natural,real and effusive show of affection, I have watched in any movie. The film scores primarily in the sentimental part,especially in the climax.

So what are you waiting for? Get hold of a VCD and watch it, and er....if possible even lend it to me!!! The last time, I watched it was when I was in 10th standard(four years ago) on that evergreen channel which goes by the humble name of 'Doordarshan'. Tch....To think that this movie has not been uploaded in DC++, a place where I could find 49 of Top 50 Worst movies ever made in English, but not an excellent Hindi movie(Old though, it may be) makes me bow down with shame. What is the world coming to??

Oh!!!You have only five girlfriends!!!!!!!

2008-01-09T00:12:00.000+05:30

A certain chap, who is quite well known atleast among the first-years claims to have been the descendant of one among the most prestigious-CONSERVATIVE family in a small town in an insignificant(!!) part of the country. His family, he claims has not shown disrespect-to-women(which includes, talking to girls, pataaaising girls or anything to do with the G-Word....(How the hell was he born!!!(one wonders))). He hadn't talked to any girl, except his elder sister till he came to IIT. And the irony is that, at a place where the sex-ratio is pathetic, he was able to converse easily with five(ahem....) girls.

Now, our guy let us call him, by the name U******* is a man(One may debate on this....Many results have proved that he belongs to the fairer sex and some seem to suggest the fact that he is in-between)(Anyways)-is a man with a conscience. After 4 months of roaming around vettily with these five girls and some boys too( :P ), he decides enough is enough. He has committed a grave sin. He has become an embarrassment to his noble-family. Calls up a busy-hogging 'Grave' and commands this poor chap to leave his half eaten dinner, and open the doors of the grave's room thus accessing the new-precious-laptop and tell his sister, 'The Truth' and beg for her forgiveness..... He was expecting to get blasted, whacked, made to stand a trial and to be removed from IIT for this grave sin. What followed next is a thing of legend.....

U******: Akka, I have five girlfriends
Akka: So??

U***** looks at the 'Grave', who was sitting beside him laughing his head off, and with a dead serious face moans 'Hey, this is just the calm before the storm'.

U******: Don't tell this to Amma. She will be mad at me.
Akka: Okay. Enjoy!! But don't flirt too much with the girls!!

(OMG!!! The look on his face was Amazing)

U******: okay...bye...tc....ttyl
Akka: Bye....

They log off.....

PS: The 'Grave' had to bribe U******* with unlimited access to his newly-acquired-precious-laptop for the ownership of the messages sent back and forth between these two great-people :(

Nostalgic about my old age

2007-12-27T23:32:00.000+05:30

I am now officially a number less than 10 truncated to 2 decimal places.

Now, I will be known as 'Samaadhi, the 8-pointer' :D

There may come a day, on a fine evening, in a warm room and a fire place with your great-grand children on your lap and they ask you, 'Daddhu, tell me about your IIT days...' and you become young again, and your eyes are wetted by the lacrymal glands, your skin starts bubbling with unknown joy and you say 'I was a Decent 8 pointer' :D
How more romantic can it get?

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Because of popular demand, the story has to be changed a bit :D

There may come a day, on a fine evening, in a warm room and a fire place with Nakul's Great-Grandson(A RVCE 'Warrasht Fellow', just like his legendary Ancestor) on my lap and he asks me, 'Oye...You vermin from that crap college called IIT, tell me about your IIT Days...' and you become young again, and your eyes are wetted by the lacrymal glands, your skin starts bubbling with unknown joy and you say 'I was a Decent 8 pointer' :D
How more romantic can it get?

And then this RVCE-Going-KID whacks me, and is successfully able to take out two of my teeth and says, 'You, bloody Cupper....Do you know that my legendary great-grand father was a 10 pointer?? Shame on you'

Thus lives the legend of Nakul.....

ma tk n txtng

2007-12-22T15:18:00.000+05:30

What is you? You? Eh, what you? Oh.. u mean u. Nope, it is no longer that idiotic three letter word, eh what did u say? You?No, u stupid fellow u don't know the spelling of u? It is u not you.

For an ignorant brat like me, who does not have any idea of SMS-texting, life has been painful. Painful? Yes sire, painful. Painful, because I get words like Gtbbbkesakfhask as a message , which supposedly may give you the answer to all the questions in the world. And I thought Gzrybowski was hard to pronounce.

Ignorant that I am, I would have to go to the limits to find out its meaning, and after millions of pico-seconds, which usually involves me googling the term, I find out that it means, 'If you don't answer quickly, I am going to break up with you' or something of that
sort. What the Hell???

There is no longer there, there is der. Der. Der. Sounds like someone constipating. Yuck!!! There have been times, I feel that the other person must be captured by an alien, given 50 lashes and to take an oath, never ever to use SMS to communicate. No. Not this punishment. This is too mild. Yes, got it. 1st bench in ID class.
Yes..Yes....That is the best way, or maybe showing him the total perspective vortex.

Once, I got a message

I m8.

That's all, folks. 'I m8'. Breaking my head, for half an hour, I figured out that it is 'I mate.'
Hmmmn...Okay he mates. So what? So do the birds, so do the earthworms, so may I(Eh...Hopefully!!). Now, why should he tell me that? My suspicion grew, because it is a he(Get the funda??). So I replied, 'Get your filthy hands of mine, you f^&*&$g bastard'. Well, as you can imagine, this did lead to trouble. That fellow meant 'I might', not I mate :(... And I wasted my time convinving that fellow(well he shall remain nameless) that it was just one small communication error...

Agreed, that SMS language is easier to communicate with, but I am an outcast. I feel left out.(Boooo..Hoooonn). It wards off my every attempt in understanding the language. In which other language would you find ten consonant letters next to each other? Gzrybowski, anyone? Nah, TFRYHBVCFGHDJ.... The most irritating part is when you don't shorten the word, you just change the spelling(Eg. I find people using 'ma' for my).

And sometimes using SMS language does have disastrous consequences.....In orkut, I found a picture, of a girl standing next to a boy and the caption reads 'dis s ma swtst bra' =))

But what takes the cake is 'm n cls' :O. I asked my friends what it meant. According to them, it may mean 'MN Micheals' or 'I am n cycles'(According to this particular guy, n being a natural number :D ) and it did take us a long time to realise that it meant 'I am in Class'

Please, you out there in this grim world of internet. Please stop using this monster. I beg thee.
Till then,

Be Afraid. Be very afraid.

A Story!! Ah Ditch it.......

2007-12-07T16:43:00.001+05:30

Every blog, I see has a recurring theme, be it Gowda-bashing, socially-relevant-issues-which-'everyone'-cares-about :P, Gawd-Level-heart-warming-mesmerizing-short-stories, everything from real-information-to-trivia, 'Story-of-my-life'(??)....

Yours truly is NOT following any trend. Now, something is wrong with my blog. I must to follow the trend. Well, if I don't, I wouldn't be another brick in the wall but I would be a bad-broken-useless-brick. Ooopss...Sorry...Did I say useless?? A rioter could use me to break the windows of some factory. :P But still, I hope to be of more use than that. I don't think farting for infinite time would be of help. My blog will be too smelly, full of fart. Sometimes fresh shit in the form of a nice post is also needed.

So, yours truly had an idea. Why not write a short story which will captivate and mesmerize the audience, young and old alike?? Yup...leddies, gentilmen and ahem...in-betweens...I started writing a story... Unleashing my 'creative-genius' on the back-side of my 'diagram-of-a-train' work of art(incidently, I got 1/5 for that creative drawing(Tch..Tch.. ID professors don't understand what avant-garde means)), I wrote about three pages. Announced to half the world about my pending work, hoping that I would garner enough publicity to win a Man-Booker. After all why aim for less?? :D

Ah, yes I started writing a story. It basically is a mystery story with laced with everything under the world, worth writing about. I tried to compare myself with Mario Puzo and tried to give a 'Fools Die'-istic touch to the story. What resulted out of the story, I shall not dare say, but you get the general idea. Now, I have even started hating Mario Puzo.

The general outline of the story:(Narrated in first-person)

Murder at casino-A sexy blond is the witness-Detective: A aging retired Tony Montana(Well the name must sound familiar :D)- Goes on to a tangent about life of the victim-Introduces his *sexual* life-His shady deals with the underworld- His relationship with the brunette..... I had written till here, when I realised that it bears an uncanny resemblance with Tracer Bullet stories :P. AAARRGGGHHHHH!!
DITCH IT ALL!!

ARBIT BLABBER RULES!
The smell of Fart is as good as Eau-De-Cologne!!

Ya....Sorry to disappoint you leddies and gentilmens.....Will try again sometime later.....

Note to Self: 1)You are different, BE DIFFERENT.
2)Blabbering is good for your health and mental wealth.

PS: Here are the Tracer Bullet Strips......

Believe me leddies and gentilmens my story was much more unrealistic than this... :P :D
Ah.....That's about it.....

Story writing should be left to the experts
For more Arbit Blabber KEEP WATCHING THIS SPACE..... :)

2007-11-29T10:59:00.000+05:30

The End-Semester Exams are finally over, and I let out a sigh of relief. Atlast , the pain ends.
I have done very badly in the end-sems. The 'okay' marks, I got in the 2nd quiz have been nullified by my abysmal performance in the exams-that-matter. No use now, groaning about the things that belong to the past.

Four months have passed since, I have entered into the Institute of 'Excellence'(I really doubt this 'Excellence' tag). Four months have passed where I have enjoyed life to the core, farting all night with friends, trying to find out who writes the best notes in the class, which is usually proportional to the 'Degree of Muggooness' associated with him/her and trying to get it xeroxed(Oops, sorry photocopied), having a night-out the day before the exam, cycle all the way to the main gate at 2:45 in the morning, I have done it all.

Four months have passed where I have been tortured in the classes thanks to the aging professors who try to induce their nerdilicious humour onto the powerpoint presentation, which they just read out loud in the class and expect us to enjoy and understand everything taught in the class. What they usually get is a groan from the middle benches, a snore from the back benches and vigorous head nodding at the rate of 60 rotations per minute from the first few rows.

One Professor even came to the class in his barmuda. I somehow managed to open my closed-but-still-not-closed eyes and managed to get a look at him. Shocked, I cocked up my head. What followed was the most boring class, I had ever attended. Even the *great* BGP's class would seem interesting, after this lecture... :P

Now, sorry about the cribbing till now, but I had to let it out somehow.....

I hate ID110.....The most pain-max course in the first semester. Having two design contests is not a joke with about 200 man-hours spent on these.....

Something is wrong............

2007-11-05T23:07:00.000+05:30

"Your words are famous......It's your accent" -VIRUS

"Macccchhhhhaaaaaaan, It is not like that da......Vokay........" - BRITNEY

"Your voice is very deep...."(!?) -MAZAA

"Maccchaaan" -Almost Every Arbit person who met me......

Are they referring to me???What do they want to point out?? :o
IDK 1.1

Who, What am I? IDK again

---------------------

Found an amazing speech by Steve Jobs. It is >no other word possible< STUDDDDDD!!!!!!

Here is the link.....

------------------

Another reason Why USA is Warrassht.....

It is one of the countries to still have a non-metric system... :o along with Liberia and Myanmar...........

Trippy MAX.....Isn't it??

A Typical Monday

2007-10-29T17:44:00.000+05:30

Alarm at 7:30A.M- Snooze-Wake up at 7:45A.M - Brush teeth 7:50 A.M- Dress Up 7:55 A.M - Rush, Rush, Rush(Go slowly it doesn't matter) - Skip Breakfast - Cycle, Cycle, Cycle - Pant!!Pant!!Pant!! - 8:10 ClassRoomComplex - Search For Fan - Ukaarungoing...- Crash.. - Class Ends- Wake Up-Shift to room - Crash...- Class ends....Repeat 4 times - 11:50A.M - Class Ends - Wake Up - Search for cycle - NOON(if lucky or 15 minutes extra if Murphy's Law shows its effect) - Cycle, Cycle, Cycle - GIGAMESS - Eat (un)eatables - RUSH TO THE HOSTEL - Change to Workshop Dress - To CRC-Crash... - Class Ends 1:50P.M - Wake up - To Workshop - Crash.....- 4:30P.M Class Ends,Wake Up - Cycle, Cycle, Cycle - Back to Hostel - CRASH!!! - MIDNIGHT - Wake Up-Take Bath-12:30 A.M-FART-3:30 A.M - CRASH!!!!! :D

That my dear friends is a normal Monday in the so called Hallowed Portals of IITM.......

Today is different. I am blogging, instead of Crashing. Nothing interesting ever happens here. *Yawn* I need to crash now. Good Night and Good Luck.

(The BEST place to crash in the class)

Terrorism??

2007-10-24T12:46:00.000+05:30

Nakul's blog really made me think.
This is my view on terrorism.....

The saying

One man's terrorist is another man's freedom fighter

is not a farce. Denying this statement would amount to denying relativism. Before trying to castrate Islam(I seriously believe that the policy adopted by the Bush Government and also by some of our very own 'Hindutva' parties have this as their final goal), better realize that violence (however brutal) always has a cause. Volcano outbursts are always caused by forces seeking a new balance. So is the case with terrorism. Is volcano a terrorist??

Focusing on the brutality of violence with severe punishments is like building more and more 'eco-friendly' cars(which use 1% less fuel) to fight global warming. By the time the world accepts these 'eco-friendly' cars, it will be very late. Or fighting volcano outbursts with warning systems. Or like the UK denying Iran nuclear production, and via their queen giving Salman Rushdie a Medal of Honour.....

Wouldn't the UK-leaders react furiously if Al-Jazeera International Television awarded Osama Bin Laden with the medal for Sharpshooter of the Year?

Because good and evil are relativist notions, a paradigm shift might change feelings about you from 'terrorist' into 'freedom fighter'. In both paradigms choirs sing about peace, while the next day their soldiers/freedom-fighters might be fighting each other on life and death. A good example of this 'evil-good' would be Nelson Mandela and closer home Veer Savarkar and Bhagat Singh.

The best example at present is Osama Bin Laden being considered a global terrorist in the Western countries, and being seen as freedom fighter by 90% of the Muslims.

I can't satisfactorily end my post. So I have just copied and pasted a slight modification of the tagline of 'The Departed'

'Peace-makers' or 'Terrorist'. When you're facing a loaded gun what's the difference? Period.

Don't Pinch My Bottom!!

2007-09-16T14:11:00.000+05:30

Two freshies, who lived(and are still living!!) at IIT Madras were pissed off with the hectic schedule one has to get accustomed to so that they won't get chucked out of the insti for getting bad grades. This made them runaway to their hometown(Bangalore......) so that they could get some rest from the-one-month-old ragging and *yawn* submitting assignments.

One of the freshies being me, was particularly happy that he won't have to put anymore intro's and say 'My subject is Electrical-Dual-with-Power-Systems-as-Specialization'. What I usually get is a standard answer, 'Oh! Elec, haha that too power'. 'Macha, What made you take it up? Do you know you need to stay in the institute for atleast 7 years' says a chuckling senior, with a bit of pity showing in his face, 'Do you know that this Arbit Chap ABC has stayed this x (where x is usually greater than 6) many years doing that Elec-Dual-Course?'(Okay, I don't remember, Maybe it is the converse of this statement). I meekly nod my head.(Oh! shit! How the hell am I going to be in the institute for such a long time? I already feel homesick).

With a bit of dignity springing on to my tongue from God-knows-what part of the brain, I reply 'So What??'.

There is silence.
God-awful-Silence.

'Macha, he got attitude da... Eh Freshie-b&*^%, Come to Room Number _ _ _(Put a three digit number less than 400), *********(Put a hostel name). You would wish you were dead.' Me:(Shit!!) 'Sorry today I need to go to *******(Some made up arbit place). Can I come tomorrow?' Senior: (With a definite and final tone, like Omar Sharief in 'Lawrence of Arabia')'No'

So back in Bangalore, I read two novels and after completing them got bored, called up Twister(the other freshie) and Nakul[An RV genius, who is of the opinion that RV is better than IITM because he couldn't get into IIT ;) No offence, Nakul]. We finally decided to meet at a park near Twister's house at 4 o' clock in the evening.

At the park, sitting on a bench, making ourselves comfortable, we arbitrarily farted about RVCE, IITM, the lack-of-girls-at-IITM, the abundance-of-girls-in-RVCE, the match between India and Pakistan, Robin Uthappa being an alumnus of the same college in which Twister had studied, the eatery at a place XX who sells real tasty food named YY, and basically contemplated the meaning of Life, The Universe and Everything(Please don't charge me for plagiarism, please, please).

Twister was talking about the intricate details of a n-dimensional ball(O-my-god!! Not-again), when four real-cute-chicks came into the park and sat just behind us. Twister, thinking that the girls would be impressed by 'geek' talk (Basically tried to be JIM of American Pie Series) continued his recitation(loudly!!) of the most practically useless bunch of equations(Maybe, It was inequations....I don't know. I was looking at the girls!! :P)

Then, these real-cute-chicks started giggling, shouting and abusing us , making enormous amount of noise, which I guess would put the 'Fat-Lady-Of-The-Opera' to shame. One of the girls(at us), "Hey, Do you drink your own urine?". Another: "Do you eat your shit?"
Twister:(WTF!!) Uh??
Me:(WTF!!) Ah??
Nakul:(WTF!!) Ooh?

One of the four real-cute-chicks(at me): Can't you understand, Dumma??
Another: Soda Buddaaaa
Yet Another:(at Twister) Kakka u*&^% :D

Till then, I never was *pinched*. Never ever!! That too at my *unmentionable*
parts. This is the first time, I got *pinched*. That too at a public place!!. Not even a single girl till now has the ability to remember my name, and now here are four real-cute-chicks who are *pinching* my large bottoms, whom I have never, seen or known before. All the four of them are taking turns and attacking us better than any IIT seniors(Psst, Hopefully, I won't get blasted again for this with, Macha-you-got-attitude-da again) during the 'interaction'(also known as PDP) sessions. The cutest of the real-cute-chicks even asked twister if he was child (since he was perched on parallel bars). Twister, thought that this was a right time to enforce authority on these chicks and in a smart ass way blabbered 'YES'
(Just like I blabbered "So What??". Birds of the same feather, eh?). That girl was not even a bit intimidated by his show of Wrath. I was covering my ass and sitting, thanking all my lucky stars that the real-cute-chicks had turned their attention to some one else, and was trying to stop my bottom from paining.
Ya, the girl unfazed asked him to cry like a baby, which our Smart Ass did, but in a mocking way. She retorted, "Where are the tears you idiot?". We were getting real scared here(I had just read in the papers that Bangalore IS one of the most dangerous city in India, thanks to the population influx). Hearts throbbing, silence filled the air, Nakul was just about pee in his pants.

For some reason, they calmed down and gave us a reprieve. Now it was my turn to play smart-ass. Asked these four real-cute-chicks to pose for photos so that someday in the future we could remember, how we got ragged. Two of them obliged and we took their photos(in my age-old mobile). And these psyched-real-cute-chicks decide that this much fun wasn't at all enough and asked us to remove our shorts. Aaaaarghhhhhh!!! So we ran the hell out of there.
Nakul was covering his ass with an umbrella(Giving us a hint that he is somehow related to Dudley Vernon :D ).

Later contemplating on the whole episode, I took inputs from the RVcean ASS and Twister as what would go in to the blog and what not!!!! Never were we so embarrassed in our lives. But still, we enjoyed the unique 'more-than-ragging' session by these four real-cute-chicks. I have put their photos...... Just scroll down.....

These are the two of the real-cute-chicks........

PS: Thanks to Nakul who gave useful suggestions and was directly responsible for including some sentences.........

RAPED!!

2007-09-12T18:57:00.000+05:30

Declaration

---------The author of this blog is not a male chauvinist and does not hold any disrespect to the fairer sex.--------

Had Chemistry Quiz today.
A senior had assured me that Chemistry paper would be rape (An IIT lingo that, I find to be curious....), meaning that it would be easy. The paper was against all expectation 'Rod'(IIT has definitely altered my language. I find myself using words which would I am certain I would not understand if, I had not been here.....(Sorry for the shady usage of grammar....Couldn't think of a better sentence.)......)

Here is a SMS, I got after the exam:

"If a girl wants to be raped, she would go around naked. If an IITian wants to be raped, all he needs to do is write the CY101 paper."

Had me rolling with laughter for almost an hour.

PS: Thanks to Enba for sending this message and brightening my day.
PPS: Written Urgently, got CS110 Quiz tomorrow.
PPPS: I just broke my promise that, I won't publish another blog till 15th.
P"pow(4)"S: Shows the profound implication that CS110 has on me.
P"pow(5)"S: The author of this blog is not a male chauvinist and does not hold any disrespect to the fairer sex.

WTF!!!!

2007-07-28T18:41:00.000+05:30

Was getting bored orkutting......
Tuned into radio one last time in Bangalore....(Leaving for Madras today)
The radio crooned.....
"Ninnaaa gallllaaaaa subhanalllaaaaaaaa......"(Your Chin....Subhanallah....)
Shit......
I turned it off and logged into orkut....
Guess that's how my friend of 5 years..... bid me farewell...with a stupid, highly nauseous song.....

I guess I won't turn on the radio for another 5 years....not that I look forward to it if this is the quality of songs in it......

BYE BYE BANGALORE..........

2007-07-14T12:25:00.001+05:30

"Who what am I? My answer: I am the sum total of everything that went before me, of all I have been seen done, of everything done-to-me. I am everyone everything whose being-in-the-world affected was affected by mine. I am anything that happens after I've gone which would not have happened if I had not come. Nor am I particularly exceptional in this matter; each "I," every one of the now-six-hundred-million-plus of us, contains a similar multitude. I repeat for the last time: to understand me, you'll have to swallow a world."

aila.... salman rushdie.......
superb fella.......

I got selected in IIT-JEE(a pain in the ass)

2007-07-07T17:53:00.000+05:30

Hah........
got selected in iit rank 1005......
first in the family to achieve it......
thought my problems were over......

Well well well

CET rank 491, PUC 86.odd percent.......
Well i don't know why it should cause problems.......
but people guage everyone by there pu and cet rank and my mom was no different.....
"How will I tell everybody that you got so less in PU Board Exam?.....", wails my mom......
Some idiot in the street
"Hey man, what's your CET rank?"
"491 macha....."
"Hey I got 76 rank da...
RV Comp science
I guess u will at least get Ramiah Telecom...."
And this joker runs all the way home to tell his mom that he is much more intelligent than i am...

Preparing to go into IIT......
Mom preparing to pack me off after she decided that I am a socially inept person who has not the basic courtesy to reply properly.....
(This happened in front of my parents)
Arbit Chap: (He had got some 20 odd rank and he knew my rank)Hey myaaan!!! What is your CET rank myaan!!?
Me: I don't know myaan!!! Why don't you find out, myaan!!???

Whoosh!!! Scolded by relatives to the nth degree for being very rude and sarcastic......
I solemnly swear that I will never be sarcastic again( at least not in front of my parents)

Sorry for the delay,
Further updates after 15th September........

About me

2007-06-04T16:16:00.000+05:30

Many people here ask me who I am
what I am doing etc. etc. blah blah

For those idiots and geniuses out there who have taken pains to visit my site
I am the sum total of everything that happened to me which would not have had happened if I had not been there.

The sentence is incoherent(so you may think) but the meaning is exactly coherent (laser coherent)

Leaving aside the bland statement I am yours truly(the comma doesnt work in this keyboard) Arjun N Bharadwaj known to some as the overweight chashmish who cannot follow his own nose
(thats quite correct because the genius who coined it was able to satisfactorily deduce that I cannot see my nose. So much for 'apna naak ka peecha karnekeliye bhi layak nahi hain')

So I am bit of a bibiliophile. No No fates are warning me that I will get caught lying sooner or later. Okay i am a book worm. Tch Tch says my friend. Alright I am obsessed with books.(@ my friend 'shanthi na guruve.' 'Okay' he says)

I am also known to write the worst possible poem(or so my friends claim). Whoever has heard it wishes that he were dead. Well so much for Poet Appreciation Society

'An above average student(as usual i get the 2 nd rank) who just got the news that he has been selected at IIT for UG with a rank of 1005 and all his friends in the group have done better than him' says my friend abt me.

Thats it 4 now

My first post

2007-06-04T16:10:00.000+05:30

One thing which brings unnumerable joys sadness nostalgia'Kind of Lump in the throat'
is the number one which varies as 'first' 'uno' 'ondhu' 'ek'etc.
So much for my first post here

In short the score is ondhu!!